[completed] Nova Carter knows exactly what the next few years of her life will look like: she will work harder than anyone else (as she didn't get into New York University to slack off); she'll be keeping her head down and prioritizing getting her a...
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Chapter Thirteen | Kiss Her You Fool
♫Kiss Her You Fool by Kids That Fly
I'm not sure if I like it or hate it when people forget about my disability. Maybe it's a spectrum and I've only ever known the very ends of it: either someone babies me endlessly and makes me feel like crap, or they expect me to do things and be someone that I can't. I don't think either is a compliment.
It's always something I find I end up having to navigate. I have to discover whether someone is underestimating or overestimating me, then I have to figure out a way to either explain without minimizing myself or prove myself to them. And sometimes, it's just difficult to have someone see me as a whole person at all: my efforts don't erase what they see in me, and what they see in me is what inspires them to treat me like either end of the spectrum.
In any way, I carry the weight of it.
I know that I'm lucky to not experience that with Olivia, and it makes sense that I don't with the girls from Hyde's talk group. It's the reason I'm more comfortable today.
The girls go through the racks of the small clothing store they dragged me into at Hudson Yards, a mall in West Manhattan. They told me everything here was 'affordable', because I still don't want Atlas to spend thousands of dollars on me, but it's New York, so everything's still expensive.
I trail behind Olivia, who's rattling on and on to me about my body shape and what'll look good on it. "Do you know what shape you are?" She asks, in such a way it sounds like there's actually a name for each one.
Is there?
I look down at myself. "I just know that I'm shaped like a door."
"You're not shaped like a door," Olivia protests. "You're shaped like a friend. Let's keep looking."
I've never gone out shopping with girlfriends before. I mean, I've never even had girlfriends to go shopping with. Logan and I usually hung out on the beach with a few books, and if I needed new clothes back home my mom took me, or she went on her own and shopped for me like a child. I've only ever enjoyed online shopping, because it isn't as exhausting and there's no one to perceive (and judge) me.
Besides, I like being alone. It's the only time ever when I can physically relax.
When the girls told me we were going to go shopping yesterday, I fully expected a movie montage: I'd come out of the fitting room in fifteen different dresses and they'd either shake their heads and frown or cheer. And then, the night of the gala, I'd come out looking like someone different and Atlas' jaw would drop and I'd wow the entire world.
I already know it isn't going to be like that, because my thighs are aching and that definitely never happens in the movies.
We regroup in the center of the store, where I drop onto the couch, Emmy on my right side and Zahara on my left.
