Battle Scars

Chapter 14

"What if I told you I think you're perfect?"-Alive, Adelitas Way

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Chapter 14

         

“Tell me something about you that nobody else knows.” Luke’s voice sliced through the silence that had engulfed us since Kyle and Emma left. Somehow, even the prolonged quiet wasn’t uncomfortable. We had just sat facing each other on this little wooden bench inside the gazebo, listening to the music trickling from the speakers behind us. “Something Emma doesn’t even know,” he continued, taking both my hands in his.

I watched as he turned my arms over, his fingers slowly, gently tracing the subtle scars on my skin. I was mesmerized by how easily, how carefully he was touching me. His fingers glided over the marks again and again, leaving Goosebumps in their wake. It took an immense amount of concentration on my part to answer his question and not be consumed by the way his gesture was making my heart race. “I’ve always compared myself to Emma,” I began. “She’s always been the better one in our friendship. She’s prettier, she’s nicer, happier. She was the one everyone loved in high school. Everyone knew her, wanted to be her friend even though she was shy and quiet and never went out of her way to introduce herself. She never does anything wrong; it’s not possible for her. I aspire to be her, but there’s no way I could be. She doesn’t know I think this.”

He reached up and tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear, his fingertips skimming my cheekbones. “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. There’s things you’re great at too.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, like getting high and making bad decisions.”

“Remy, I’m serious. You are-“

“No, Luke. I’m serious. Emma is a much better person than I could ever be. I don’t have strangers falling in love with me. I don’t have people I don’t know admiring my every move and looking up to me. I’m not worthy of being any sort of role model to anyone. That stuff just doesn’t happen to people like me.”

“Again with a remark like that.” He sighed “What do you mean by it this time?”

A frustrated groan resonated from me. “I mean… people like me.” I waved the hand I was able to pry out of his grasp at myself. “I don’t know how you want me to explain it. People who self-harm, do drugs, spend their weekends so drunk they can’t remember a damn thing aside from the hangover. The ones who get into crappy relationships because no one else has ever given them the time of day. The ones so insecure about themselves that they can’t even tell their best friend when they’re having a bad day. We don’t get compliments. We don’t get approval from the general population. That’s just how life works.”

This time the stillness that rattled the air around us was deafening. It was like a mass of lead had settled against my ears, crushing them. It felt like my head was about to explode. It probably would have had Luke not spoken.

“You really believe that?” he questioned, locking his fingers around my wrists like he was keeping me from running away. “You think so little of yourself that you believe you don’t deserve praise or to hear kind words about yourself because you’ve had a shit life?”

“That’s exactly what I think.”

“Remy, you’re insane.”

            “Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Sherlock. I don’t know what I would have done without your deduction.” I leaned away from him, straining against his grasp.