Finding My Luna (Sequel to ICBTAM)

Chapter 14- Blood Luna

Rafe

I'd felt her go limp, her head falling to the side and my heart nearly stopped. I wasn't ready, not yet. There was nothing in the world that could have prepared me for losing my mate. It was like my world was crumbling around me. 

"Alpha, I need you to hold him so we can save her." Mrs. Greene forced the bundle of blankets into my arms. 

He was so small. So fragile. I didn't know the first thing about babies. He didn't even have a name yet. Katarina and I had never had the chance to discuss names. 

The three women hovered over Katarina, talking about the amount of blood loss. 

It was my worst fear come to life. We didn't have time to come to terms with this outcome. And now she was slipping away. It could be the last time I saw Katarina. 

Sweat still beaded on her forehead, but she looked so peaceful. As if she would wake up any moment from a nap. 

She'd been keeping it from me, denying any problems at every turn. It felt like she hadn't trusted me with the truth. And that thought cut even deeper.

"You really should go," Mrs. Greene said again. 

My eyes met hers, a death stare that let her know I was serious about staying there. I wasn't going to be pushed out into a room to wait. I wasn't going to be out there wondering what was going on, waiting for someone to give me the news whether they saved her or she was gone. 

And if this was the end for her, I wasn't going to leave her side. I would be there when it happened. 

Katarina

The darkness gave way to light, and a little boy ran around a grassy field, nearly stumbling over his own feet. 

"Daddy!" He shouted, running toward a tall, broad figure. 

It was Rafe. The boy was our son. I couldn't help but smile. I waved to the two of them, but neither of them waved back. 

"What? You're going to pretend like I don't exist?" I shouted to them, walking closer.

Neither of them looked my way. 

"Rafe?" I tried to touch his shoulder, but it was like there was a barrier that just barely separated us. 

He looked at his shoulder like he'd felt something and then turned back to the child. 

"Okay, Emeric, I think it's time to go back home?" Rafe said to the child.

"But I want to fight!" The little boy crouched down and bared his teeth letting out a small 'grr'.

Rafe laughed. "One more, and then we get ice cream?"

"Ice cream!"

Emeric launched himself at Rafe and they fell to the grass rolling around. 

Everything shifted around me, and we were no longer standing in the open field. Emeric was no longer a small boy, he was now a teenager. Running around with a group of boys. He looked just like a younger version of Rafe. 

They were sneaking out of school. I could only imagine it was just like what Rafe would have done at that age. They all met up with a group of girls and that was as much as I cared to see. If I couldn't stop them, I sure as heck wasn't going to stand there and watch what came next. 

Was I already dead? Was I just allowed to visit these small moments in my child's life? Why were these the chosen moments?

I could feel the shift again. It was no longer sunny, and Emeric's face was no longer locked with a tiny little redhead. Instead he was older, nearly Rafe's age. Pain filled his eyes that looked raw from crying. 

I turned to look at what he was staring at. They were two stones, side by side on the wall. Katarina Granger and Rafe Granger were etched into them. Instead of a graveyard for the dead, Rafe's pack had ritual burnings, and a memorial wall for outstanding members of the pack. There was a section marked off just for pack leaders. It was the names of Rafe's family, and right there were the newest additions. Rafe and myself. 

"Rick, do you need me to speak to the pack for you?" The man next to Emeric asked.

"No, I've got this Alec. I just need a moment."

The man stood there silently, offering support in his presence. 

I wanted to go over there, to hold his hand and tell him everything was going to be alright. That he had the most amazing person there to teach him how to be a good man and an even better leader, that he could do this. But I couldn't. I couldn't touch him, and he wouldn't be able to hear me. 

Emeric and Alec made their way to the rest of the pack. He stood before them with his tear stained cheeks, not even trying to hide them. His pain clear in his eyes. 

"My father taught me to be true to myself. If a leader can't be true to themselves, then they can't possibly be true to their people. Being honest is being strong, and I can honestly say that I have no idea what I'm doing." Emeric paused, looking over the pack. 

"But that's okay, because neither did my father when he first started. There is nothing that can prepare you for being Alpha. But I vow to protect this pack. I vow to be open about myself and about the threats that face us. I vow to hide nothing."

Emeric's words hit hard. Being true with yourself, open about who you are. It was the very essence of who Rafe was. He honed in on his violent side in order to protect the people who relied on him. He would do anything as long as it kept his people safe. 

The moon goddesses words came back to me. A True Luna brought balance. I was supposed to bring balance to the pack. I'd always known I couldn't do that while being out of balance myself, but I was so focused on my wolf, thinking that was what kept me unbalanced, when it had been within me the entire time. 

I was unbalanced before my wolf was gone because I wasn't being true with myself. I was afraid to acknowledge part of me. I'd been told at a young age to hide it, and that's what I'd tried to do, but it managed to make its way out occasionally. It caused me to leave my pack, and it ripped the heart out of that rogue. It was a part of me that was just as dangerous as Rafe. 

But now I understood that by hiding that part, by trying to deny it, I was causing an imbalance in my soul. I wasn't quiet. I wasn't someone who just stood by while shit went down. I was fully capable of protecting myself and my pack. I wasn't the typical Luna whose role was to just stand by her husband's side and look pretty. I was meant to be an equal partner to Rafe. 

I was the Blood Luna.