Finding My Luna (Sequel to ICBTAM)

Chapter 3- Meditation

It had turned out to be a warm and sunny day, and with Rafe gone I decided to do something I hadn't done in a while. I meditated. 

I wasn't expecting results, because I hadn't had any the past few times I'd tried getting in contact with the moon goddess. She'd answered me that one day, but had failed to make an appearance after. 

I wandered through the pack until I came to a grassy space that was out of the way and provided shade. I sat at the base of a tree, folding my legs and sitting up straight. My hands resting lightly on my knees as I closed my eyes. 

I inhaled deeply through my nose and out through my mouth. I gave myself over to my other senses, listening to the wind rustle through the trees and the birds chirping all around. 

Moon goddess, please come back to me. I know you answered me before, but there's still so much I need to ask you. 

I willed her to come back to me while I sat there for forty-five minutes. My brows furrowed as each passing minute resulted in the same silence filled only by the wind and living things that surrounded me. 

I tried a different tack, calling deep within myself. I knew that my wolf had to be inside somewhere, it wasn't like she could up and leave. If there was a possibility of her coming back, that meant she was still inside. I just had to find her and figure out a way to pull her back to the surface. 

I'd tried this a few times as well, and each time I'd come up empty. 

I felt the grass under my bare legs and feet, the wind that swept up my hair, and the warmth of the sun touching everything around me. 

I worked on reaching deep inside as I'd been instructed by Mrs. Greene, my nurse who also doubled as a yoga instructor and pretty much anything else you could possibly need. That woman was constantly busy, knowing just enough in any area. 

She'd been helping me with stress among other things, such as meditating to explore what was going on within me. 

I kept taking deep breaths, clearing my mind as I did. I felt my body relax. I tried looking inside, I knew where Kali's voice came from in me and that's where I immediately went. It was like running into a wall though, it was like there was nothing there, however it felt like something was keeping me out. That part of me was unreachable. 

It was the same every time. That's the only thing that led me to believe that Kali was indeed in there somewhere, I was just blocked off. It was like a steel door that was keeping us separated, making it impossible for me to access any part of her. My healing, my hearing, my ability to shift, my bond to Rafe. That wall was keeping me away from it all. 

I pushed against that wall with my mind but the harder I pushed the firmer the wall became. It was like whatever it was, didn't want me in there. 

I tried relaxing myself further to see if it would help. 

I felt my body start to drift as if my mind were separating from it. I could feel it, but it didn't feel like me. I could feel everything inside of me, the blood running through my veins the feel of the breath rushing in and out of my lungs. I could even feel the baby that was growing inside of me. It was like it was growing by the second and I could feel all of it. 

It did nothing to that steel door in my way though, nothing but allow me to feel it blocking off that entire part of my mind, a part that led all the way into my soul. 

"There you are! I was looking all over for you, Katarina!"

I jumped and my eyes flew open. 

"Mrs. Green, you scared me!"