Love, Zoey

Chapter Twenty

Beck's P.O.V-

        "Beck, can I talk to you?" Zoey slowly poked her head into my room. Her long brown hair flowed over her shoulder and reminded me of those chocolate fountains that were sometimes served at weddings. "In private?"

         Here it comes.

         I knew that there had to be a problem when neither of us were wearing rings. What girl goes without a wedding ring? The other men in my unit wore theirs, but I could never remember wearing one. Did we separate right before I deployed?

          "Of course." I turned to my mom who was feeding Lilly french fries. "Mom would you mind taking Lilly into the hall for a minute."

           She quickly gathered my tired daughter in her arms and made her way to the door, the container of fries being the only thing that went with her.

            "Would you like to sit down?" I sounded too formal, but I knew I couldn't joke around like normal.

             She came closer to me, but still wasn't anywhere near the bed where I lay. "I think I need to stand."

            Zoey rubbed her hands together and wouldn't look up to met my eye. I was just grateful she wasn't pushing divorce papers in front of me.

            "Zo-" I started.

             "I think we need to talk about our relationship and where we both feel it stands." She rushed the words out like a damn breaking.

               This was my one shot. I had to make her stay.

              I started talking before she even had a chance to start. "Zoey, listen, I know that this is kinda messy right now. This isn't what you signed up for, none of us did, but this is what God has in our path. As selfish as it is to say this, I still have too, I need you. You were my rock before I even knew I needed one. You amaze me everyday and have for years. I need you by my side if I am going to get through this."

          I let out a deep breath and continued. "I am completely, hopelessly in love with you. I think I have been in love with you since I met you. You are the brightest part of my everyday and any chance to be that for you is what makes me feel complete. Stay with me and I will do my very best to make you feel complete every day of your life."

        She started crying and I hated that I couldn't stand up and hold her like I should.

         "I'm not going anywhere." Her voice wavered, but her eyes looked confident.

         "I know that there is a lot we still need to talk about and work through, but can I hold you?" She hesitated, just as she had the night before, but she still got on the bed and let me encase her in my arms. "I missed being able to hold you."

"You barely ever held me."

             I chuckled a little. "That's true, but I always wanted too." Her head rested on one of my arms and I let the other land on her hip. "When we were in High School your brother would have killed me. He could barely handle the fact that we had actual conversations, not just formalities."

       "Did he really stop any of you from asking me out?"

         A sharp laugh left my mouth when I thought of all the times he had his "talks" with us. "You were definitely off limits and he made sure we knew it."

"How did you do it then? Get him to see us as an okay thing?"

The memories were fuzzy. I remember telling him my feelings for his sister and him laughing at the odds of it actually happening. He doubted that she would see me as anything, but a brother and I remembered agreeing that was a chance.

"I'd like to say that I used great powers of manipulation, but I honestly don't remember. Maybe he saw how much I loved you and decided that trusting me with you was worth it."

           "Maybe." She laid her head down on my chest and closed her eyes. She only lasted a minute before she popped up and got down from the bed. "I better go get your mom and Lilly."

            "Yeah we don't want to leave them in the hallway forever." I was an awful person, because I would have done anything if it meant holding her for just a few more minutes.

            She hurried out and was only gone a minute before they all returned. She sat Lilly down in the place she had just vacated and Lilly gave me the job of helping her eat.

I had missed my little girl. It had been almost a year since I had seen her and she seemed to have doubled in size.

I couldn't believe how far her vocabulary had come and how she was repeating things in Spanish. She had doubled in size and yet still looked like my sweet little girl.

           "Daddy!" She showed me her happy meal toy car as she pushed it up and down the blanket. "Vroom!"

            "Is that the noise a car makes?" I asked as she started traveling it up my abdomen.

             "Vroom." She giggles when it got caught on my hospital gown. I was going to ask Zoey if she would help me change into the clothes the nurse found, but after her wanting to have a conversation about our marriage it felt like more than she could handle.

         Even now she was there, but she seemed distant. Her stance seemed more forced, like it felt awkward to be there, and the look on her face wasn't the carefree one I was used to seeing.

          I wanted my Zoey back.

           She smiled softly and responded to Lilly when she called out to her, but didn't move from her position in the corner of the room.