Love, Zoey

Chapter Fifteen

Zoey p.o.v.

My mind was still circling with Beck's actions.

     He shouldn't have touched me like that, I could still feel the hesitation of his hand as it touched my spine.

He shouldn't have been looking at me like that. Like I was more than his best friend.

"Your mom had been talking about what would happen when you got back, how you would start dating and I would move out." I was rambling, the words were coming out quicker than they needed and they weren't making much sense. "I wanted to keep a part of you guys with me forever, there was nothing else I wanted."

"Zo, that doesn't mean you were going to be kicked out." A sad look returned to his eyes. "You have to know that you were always going to have a place in Lilly's life. No matter what happened to me, you were going to stay a constant. I'm not going to take her away from you."

I smiled softly, faintly if that was even possible. "I know, maybe I just wanted to match you." I tried to play it off as a joke, I slowly reached out and let my hand touch the Phoenix that he had on his bicep.

He had once said it was the symbol of the man he would now be that he had Lilly. He wouldn't be the same reckless endangerment that he had been before, for now he had someone he had to think about. No more dangerous football games, reckless rides on dirt bikes that would make even the bravest of the brave be terrified of hitting the ground.

I had alway thought he had been pretty great before, but I wasn't going to question it. Especially not now after all that he has gone through.

When they had lifted his blanket to check on his legs I had seen the scar that went up his hip when the hospital gown was moved to the side. Something was definitely wrong, you don't get a healing scar line like that one from just anything.

I had persisted in asking the doctor, but he had said that due to the patients wishes that they were not going to disclose this information to us at this time and it was his decision to tell us when he felt he was ready.

I felt we were ready now, but when he woke up he hadn't said anything that indicated that he was.

          America floated in gentle despite her heavy footsteps on the floor, Lilly woke up and it seemed for a minute as though everything was back to normal.

          Lilly was laid in the crook of Beck's arms, finding her place instantly and finding a way to fall back asleep. America and I pulled chairs up on either side and each of us grasped his hands while we all chattered back and forth.

        America was telling a funny story about one of my failed blind dates when Beck suddenly said, "I have to tell you something." He took a deep breath and started talking, not making eye contact with anyone except Lilly. "When I was in Iraq there was an accident. I don't know the specifics about what happened, but a bomb was sent over and we all ducked for cover. We were all in our full uniforms, but sharpnal still made it past our layers."

      America and I both had enough enough knowledge of medicine to know where this story was going. "Beck." America gripped his hand tighter.

        "It imbedded itself into my spine." His voice shook. "I'm paralyzed from the waist down. There are surgery options, but I will have to wait for them until the inflammation goes down and there is a chance that it can cause more damage than good."

         My gasp caught in my throat and I just had to nod through the tears. "Beck, I'm so sorry."

         He shrugged. "I don't know what I'm really going to do now that the military is no longer an option, but my plan is still to move out with Lilly on our own as soon as possible and get that part of our lives started. I have already spoken to some people about paths I can take now."

     America started frantically shaking her head back and forth, I knew she couldn't even imagine such a thing. "You don't need to go anywhere. You are going to need help now more than ever and the house would feel empty without you in it."

       He looked back down at Lilly, her soft curls matched his before he cut them short. "I can't sponge off of my mom forever. That is not the example I want to set for my daughter."

         I had never respected Beck more in my entire life.

        "I have already spoken to the agents of NCIS about what happened and about how we can further intel operations to ensure that this doesn't happen for anyone else. They will be coming back a few times the next few days and I think they might be willing to negotiate a job with me where I can work at a desk and use a wheel chair."

       The idea of him behind a desk hurt my heart more than it should. Beck was not the type of guy that was destined for desk work, he was too big and too brave to be put in a cubicle.

         America had a different idea. "A desk job would be wonderful option for you! I am so glad you are already thinking about other options for work."
          A rapid knock happened at the door and a young nurse in bright pink scrubs poked her head it. "Visitor time is over in ten minutes. We are going to need at least one of you to stay with the patient since he has requested no night help. The night staff will be at the desks if you need them though."

        I immediately turned to America and made my case. "You stay with Beck and I will take Lilly back to the hotel. I think you guys need some time together."

        America smiled gently. "She does sleep better for you than she does for me. I would love to stay here with you Beckett."

        Beck's eyes showed he had a different opinion on the matter. "Mom, if you don't mind I would rather it be Zoey. By staying with me it means total assistance, helping me walk to the bathroom, helping me get dressed and helping me shower. I don't want a stranger doing it, but I definitely don't want my mom's help with that one either."

        With that it was decided. I was going to stay and America would be taking Lilly.

         I was going to have to get more comfortable with Beck than ever before.