The Forgotten Fire

Chapter 10:

  "I killed her," he breathed, his eyes wide in horror and his breath billowing from his muzzle in a thick cloud.
Fireflight's ears flicked and her furs stood on end from the shock, "What?"
Longtail's head hung and let out a ragged breath, "Poppydawn, she died because of me." His words were only a whisper.
The young warriors were sitting in the middle of the forest, far from their patrolling clanmates and the cats back at camp. The pale tabby tom had not been his usual self as of late, and so Fireflight had urged him to talk. He agreed to do so, but only in private.
"You didn't kill Poppydawn, she died of greencough," Fireflight reminded him, "just like Fuzzypelt and Leopardfoot." Her own heart ached for the loss of the mottled black warrior. Just speaking her name sent Fireflight back to that night for a heartbeat. The air had been frozen and still all but for the sound of cats coughing. Leopardfoot had requested to see two cats: her son, Tigerclaw, and his most recent apprentice, Fireflight. As usual, the she-cat had nothing but praise for her sole-surviving kit. For Fireflight, Leopardfoot had assured her of a shining future, that she was more than she knew. But that barely mattered as she coughed away the last of her life and joined their starry ancestors.
"You don't understand," he insisted, his gaze meeting hers again, "Darkstripe and I went hunting and he...he ate a squirrel I caught and pressured me to, and I gave in. But if we hadn't eaten the squirrel, and brought it back to camp, Poppydawn could've had it and would've had strength to fight for her life."
Fireflight took a breath before meowing, "Longtail...." However, she didn't know what to say to him. They sat in silence for a little while, he ashamed and she uneasy. Finally, Fireflight got to her paws and told him, "I can't console you. What's done is done, let's get back to camp now."
As the young warriors returned to the safety of the ravine, they found little sense of security. So many of their clanmates were battling an unseen enemy, their bodies being rattled by the coughs that were overtaking them.
"Hey Fireflight!"
The fluffy she-cat looked to where the little voice had come from. She saw her little sister bouncing towards her, the kit's ginger tabby fur pale as rays of sun. But her light green eyes were bright as ever, regardless of the cold and coughing all around her.
"Hiya Sandkit," Fireflight purred. Even after the incident they shared, Fireflight felt no negativity toward Redtail's other daughter.
"Didn't you catch anything today?" the kit asked, tipping her head to one side. Although her question was innocent, her mew was tainted with scrutiny.
Longtail flicked and ear, catching his friend's eye a moment, and then padded toward the warrior's den.
Fireflight looked down at Sandkit and explained, "No, we didn't go hunting today."
"Did you protect our borders?"
"We weren't sent on a border patrol either," Fireflight, slightly embarrassed, admitted, "Longtail and I just went out to talk."
"Like you do with Runningwind sometimes?"
A wave of internal heat overcame Fireflight. Runningwind and Fireflight had been venturing out of camp together more often. While there was little to it, in reality, she was still surprised Sandkit had noticed.
"No, not quite," Fireflight told her and quickly added, "Longtail and I are kind of like you and Dustpaw. We're just friends."
Sandkit was silent a moment before resigning, "Oh." Of course, Fireflight knew there would be a chance Sandkit and Dustpaw would find mates in each other one day, but the near-apprentice had no such thoughts just yet. Without too much pause, a new thought came to Sandkit: "Will you take me hunting?" Her whiskers quivered with excitement at the prospect.
Fireflight twitched her whiskers in amusement, "I doubt Redtail will ever let me take you outside of camp again."
Sandkit's ears fell flat, "He doesn't even usually let us play in camp...." But her ears flicked back up as she glanced around and mewed, "But, we don't have to tell him."
"I'm pretty sure he'd find out." Fireflight responded, glancing around. She knew their father was around the camp somewhere, as he too was fighting off illness. The deputy's eldest daughter could not help thinking how fortunate she would feel to have greencough steal him away instead of their other clanmates. She almost found herself bargaining, "sacrifice the deputy of the rest of the clan?"
"But," the kit opened her mouth to protest, only to be cut off.
The cats had fallen silent so swiftly and with such force it nearly felt like a blow to each of them. The force had been enough to grab even Sandkit's attention.
Redtail had surfaced from the medicine cat den. Beside him stood Bluestar and together leader and deputy looked upon their clan. Fireflight had a hunch what was going to be said before words, and then cries of grief, filled the camp.

"Her condition was improving," the words wafted on Spottedleaf's herbal breath, "but after Fuzzypelt joined our ancestors, Robinwing seemed set on that path too."
"I suppose it would be hard to try to get better when your heart is so broken," Frostfur mewed from where she sat beside Lionheart. She leaned against the tom's thick-furred, muscular body for support, the grief of her father renewed and topped with the new loss of her mother.
Brindleface crouched nearby, beside Redtail, with Sandkit tucked between them. The entire clan was gathered to bid farewell to Robinwing. Fireflight was saddened at the loss of her clanmate, but also felt numb. So many warriors were joining StarClan that it almost seemed hopeless there would be anyone remaining in ThunderClan once Newleaf arrived.
Dustpaw mourned from beside his mentor, Redtail, but his brother, Ravenpaw, found himself huddled next Fireflight. Feeling protective over the little black tom, she had pulled her bushy ginger tail around him.
Long into the night, after all the cats had fallen silent and many asleep, he looked up at Fireflight with eyes big as moons and whimpered, "She's gone."
The young warrior understood Ravenpaw was a fragile little tom. She knew as well as the rest of the clan that he was a nervous cat and calling him merely attached to his mother was an understatement.
Fireflight inhaled the cold night air and looked into the clear sky, where Silverpelt twinkled gloriously above them. "Look up at the stars," she told him gently but solidly, "do you see the one the one shining brightest?"
She paused a moment while he searched above his head. "Yeah," he squeaked.
"That's her," she told him, "That's Robinwing showing you she's with StarClan now, but that she's still watching over you." After a pause she looked down to Ravenpaw, held his gaze, and promised him, "She'll always be with you."
The apprentice blinked at her before turning his gaze back to the star above him. Fireflight watched as he looked up, perhaps feeling more secure than before. Her heart felt warmed as she could see the tense muscles beneath his pelt relax, and how he broke into a yawn while looking up to his mother. She leaned over him and gave him a quick lick between the ears.
"You know," she whispered to him, "I'll always be here for you too."
Ravenpaw pressed against Fireflight, warmed by her long furs. On her other side, the she-cat was aware of Goldenflower casting her a glance with loving yellow eyes. A particular look that said, "you'll make a fine queen one day."
As much as Fireflight loved the idea of settling into the nursery as a queen with kits, for the first time, she was hit with the pang that such may not be her fate. Not because she could be leader or any other factor any other cat would experience, but because she her thoughts and dreams were so filled with loss and heartache between queens and their litters.
Her golden eyes were lifted to StarClan, but she only felt emptiness. They held no answers for her and certainly promised her nothing.