The Forgotten Fire

Chapter 9:

  Fireflight had completed the dawn border patrol and was immediately heading out of camp yet again. Her paws always itched to move, move away from camp and away from her oblivious and judgmental clanmates, move to the spot that was almost sacred to her.
She spent so much of her time sitting atop Sunningrocks. It didn't matter to her which clan technically owned it at any given time: she no longer cared for affairs of separate clans. Now that a chill was in the air, fewer cats rested atop the smooth boulders, absorbing the sun, as it no longer offered much warmth. But that was not Fireflight's reason for perching at the highest point of the rocks. The fluffy she-cat would sit and ponder all her dreams and thoughts and feelings. She would gaze into the distance and think of all the kits born of two clans, of Bluestar's who had been forgotten and frozen and Mapleshade's who had been drowned and replaced.
And she would listen to the river as it flowed by below her. When she wasn't dreaming of Mapleshade, the she-cat would be lost beneath the current. It would tug at her fur and block her senses and almost cradle her right above the riverbed. She would hear the calming sounds of underwater but they would almost turn into whispers, such faint mews, that such was her fate, her destiny.
Fireflight leapt to her perch, but before she could seat herself, all of her brown and ginger furs began to rise. The scent of another filled her nostrils, and that was something she had not expected.
A lithe tabby cat came out from a crevice between two of the boulders and leapt up to the one where Fireflight was standing. "Oh, hey," he greeted her.
Without intention, Fireflight's ears fell flat and she took a step back, her furs still bristled in surprise, "Runningwind?" As his name flowed out of her muzzle she realized how odd she must have seen standing as so, and so she forced her furs flat and her ears erect. She gave her chest a quick lick, trying to cool off her embarrassment, and then asked him, "What're you doing here?"
He flicked an ear, the extent of his acknowledgement to her almost suspicious display, "Well, you've been coming here so much lately that I was wondering if maybe you're onto something. I figured it'd be a good idea to have a look around and see if any RiverClan cats have been here lately."
Fireflight slowly, numbly, shook her head, "No, no one's been coming here. Its getting too cold for that."
He gave a curt nod in agreement, "No one but you."
Fireflight's jaw slightly dropped and she almost hissed a response to him. But she did not know what to say. It was true, she had been frequenting the site, but so what? She wasn't a RiverClan cat, nor was she meeting with one. She had done nothing wrong, but she couldn't help but feel a sort of hostility.
"I guess with all that fur you just don't feel the cold like the rest of us," he swished his tail, "but then again, you're not the only warrior in ThunderClan with longer fur."
Her fur began to bristle yet again, "Are you accusing me of something?"
He blinked at her, "What's there to accuse? From what I can gather you haven't done anything wrong."
A silence hung between them for several long heartbeats. He awaited her reply but she did not know what to say. She couldn't even bring her gaze to his, let alone think clearly.
Finally, Runningwind meowed once more, "Well, prey is getting scarce, I better go catch what I can before it's all gone." He turned to leave, glanced over his shoulder at her one last time, and then began padding away.
Fireflight's golden eyes fell shut and she had to take a deep breath. It felt as though he had taken his claws and was slowly raking them through her fur. That pain was worse than any wound from battle.
"Wait," the wail forced itself out of her.
The tabby tom turned and faced her, looking up at where she still stood on the boulder. "What is it?"
Fireflight opened her eyes. She looked at Runningwind a moment before looking out over the river. "I come here because I often dream of the river."
He looked puzzled a moment, but then he flattened his ears and asked, "Are you going to leave us for RiverClan?" There was something in his voice Fireflight hadn't heard from him before. It almost sounded like disappointment or regret.
The she-cat, alerted, quickly reassured him, "No, no, definitely not!"
His ears flicked up again and he took several steps closer to Sunningrocks. "Then, what?" he prompted.
"Well," Fireflight sighed, "I dream of being in the river, of it taking me away." She noticed that his expression was one of confusion and concern. She gave a slight laugh and added, "I can't swim; I'm not a fish you know, even in dreams!" And she added another uncertain chuckle.
But he didn't laugh. Instead, he leapt to her side and peered cautiously over the edge and into the river below. "Why do you dream of that?"
Fireflight oriented herself to face the same direction as he. She could not help but feel the urge to close the small gap between them in the process, but found herself unable to do so. She looked down at the water as it flowed downstream, lapping at its own banks. "I don't know. Sometimes it almost seems like there are StarClan cats there too, like that's what they want," she couldn't help but admit.
Runningwind unfolded from his crouch and turned his head to hold Fireflight's golden gaze. "Why would they want that?" He shot a glare at the river before adding, "No, it doesn't matter. It's just a dream. StarClan would never wish such a thing for you or any other warrior. It's just a dream...a nightmare. Ignore it."
A sense of urgency rushed through Fireflight, "How do you know that? What have StarClan shared with you?"
"No more than they have with you!" he retorted. Both cats were on their paws now, lightly bristling at each other. He continued on, his voice raised, "Medicine cats and leaders share tongues with StarClan, not young warriors like us, not even senior warriors like Patchpelt or queens like Speckledtail."
Fireflight felt herself stand tall "Leaders converse with StarClan and Bluestar's a leader and-,"
"Is that what this is all about?" Runningwind interrupted, "Your apprenticeship?"
"You know there's more to it than that: the clan doesn't trust me, in part because our leader refused to even finish training me!"
"You didn't exactly help matters and you know, kits aren't supposed to leave camp in the first place."
"It would've been fine if-,"
"If what? What could you have done differently other than not bring Sandkit into the forest at all?"
Fireflight searched her mind as quickly as she could, muzzle poised to respond to him, but ultimately, all she could say was, "I don't know."
He huffed, "You let that one event change you. Even when you healed up, even when the clan was ready to accept you again, you continued pushing us away. You act like your life has been ruined but if that's the case, you brought it upon yourself."
"But StarClan, my dreams!" she protested.
"It's all nothing, just dreams," he sternly told her, "and if you're so certain otherwise, maybe you should go to the Moonstone."
At that moment, for the first time that day, Fireflight was aware of Mapleshade's presence. The young warrior could hear her dark mentor murmuring, "That is not something I'd advise just yet."
Fireflight did nothing to acknowledge Mapleshade's words. Instead, she took a step away from the tom and seated herself, glaring at the river. What could she tell him? What more was there to say?
A heartbeat passed in silence. Fireflight was forcing herself to stare at the rushing water below. Her bushy tail was pulled around her. She wanted to be alone in that moment, she wanted to disappear or for Runningwind to leave her be.
Instead, he moved closer to her. Their tabby fur was brushing and both sets of eyes were trained on the river below them. His tail curled around her back as he sighed and gently meowed, "You know, I'm only here right now, saying all of this, because I care about you. We all do, everyone has been worried about you. We want the vivacious cat you used to be back." He paused, obviously hoping she would respond.
But she said nothing. Her heart twisted in a way she had not expected. It wrenched and writhed in her chest, wanting so much, yet, receiving not enough.
Finally, Runningwind added, "I want to-," but he faltered. He took a breath and retrained his gaze on the river below before rephrasing, "I want to be your friend again."
Fireflight looked up, and as she did so, Runningwind moved the same so as to meet her gaze. He was still beside her, fur brushing and tails around her, and their noses were nearly touching.
"Really?" the question almost came out as a squeak.
He nodded, "Mhmm."
They remained like that for another moment, holding each other's expression and feeling the warmth of the other's breath.
"Perhaps," Fireflight found the courage to suggest, "we should go hunting before going back to camp."
"That's an excellent idea," Runningwind almost purred.

Not all of the leaves had yet to fall, but the majority of the prey had already disappeared. The pair had been lucky enough to return to camp with one kill each. Neither muffled words around their prey as they walked through the tunnel and towards the pile of fresh kill, but Fireflight was well aware a few pairs of eyes had noticed them.
Sandkit and Graykit raced to the young warriors and eyed the fresh prey, one a thrush and the other a squirrel.
"That's all you caught today?" Sandkit asked with a certain tone to her voice that had only recently come into existence. Fireflight could already tell her younger sister would be a warrior with quite the attitude.
But she gently explained, "Prey tends to go away in Leafbare, so there is less to catch."
Runningwind muttered, "Except, it isn't Leafbare just yet...."
Before another word could be spoken, a vicious coughing came from the medicine cat den. Runningwind and Fireflight, startled, snapped their gazes toward the den, ears angled in the direction.
"Who's sick?" Runningwind asked to no one in particular.
Willowpelt supplied the answer as she approached, "Robinwing and Leaopardfoot were coughing all morning, so Featherwhisker and Spottedleaf have been keeping a close eye on them today." She then gathered the kits with her tail and mewed, "Come now, you two, you've been out long enough in this cold. We don't need you coming up ill too."
Fireflight and Runningwind exchanged glances. Then he slowly shook his head and repeated, "It isn't even Leafbare yet."
The young warrior sighed, her breath billowing out in a cloud. She understood his point: the cold season was going to be exceptionally rough.
"Oh, Robinwing...," Brindleface whimpered from where she stood right outside the nursery.
Willowpelt, trying to ease her denmate's nerves, meowed, "She's a strong warrior, you don't need to worry over her like she's Sandkit."
Fireflight found the exchange interesting. She recalled the fact that Robinwing was Brindleface's mother as well as Dustpaw and Ravenpaw's. It made the young warrior think what it would be like if her own mother had been the one coughing.
She glanced over to Goldenflower, who was sharing tongues with Patchpelt, and felt a shiver overtake her body. Fireflight wouldn't know what to do if the golden queen were to fall ill. Or worse, summoned to StarClan.