Shadows Beneath

Chapter 17

I drove home happy. It felt good to be out of that place. It was a second home for so many years. I had met so many people there, made so many friends. It was time to move on though. This chapter of my life was coming to a close. I feel I accomplished quite a bit considering I was only eighteen. Leaving it all behind wasn't go to be very hard. I know it sounds heartless, but I had goals to achieve and I only wanted to be looking ahead of me. Looking in the past would get me nowhere. I had enough negativity in my life anyways. It outweighed the positives at points in time. My friends knew I'd probably never be back, except maybe to visit my mom around the holidays. I'd get together with them if I had any spare time I told them. When I get home I don't feel like packing too much so I just lay down and relax with my headphones on. I did take a minute to reflect on a few happy moments I had with my friends and family down here. Not for too long though. I won't let myself. I'll never leave or be happy if I dwell on it too long. I just smile, clear my mind, turn up the music, and fade away.

"Wake up sleepy head" I hear from my mom. I actually slept in today for once. "You've got a lot to do sweetheart, I didn't want you sleeping the day away." I didn't really have much to do . I brought home the last of the boxes I'd need to finish packing. She just wanted to spend as much time as possible with me before I left. She cancelled her classes for today and tomorrow to see me off. She helped me a little bit too as we joked around about all the girls and trouble I was going to get in up there. It was a good time with her. I was a little sad knowing I wouldn't have her company and coffee conversation in the mornings until I had the chance to come back and visit. Overall I don't think she was too worried about me. My brother was up there already to look after me and she knew how much I hated drinking considering what I grew up around. I think her biggest fear was me growing into a habit like that. College is usually where a lot of people get their first taste of alcohol. She knew how smart I was though. She raised me. She put every ounce of love and respect and wit into me that she had. She had faith I'd make the right decisions. She was a great mother. I wouldn't disrespect her like that.

I didn't have much left to do. Most everything was stacked up neatly in the corner. I had a change of clothes and my shower stuff still left unpacked. That was the last of it. I'd be in the dorms the first year so there was really no need to bring any of the bigger furniture. I left my Chicago Bears hat and jersey out too. I had to make a good first impression on a campus where the majority of people were from Michigan. Why not? I was far from an instigator, but I did like to think of how many weird looks I'd get wearing that up in Michigan, Detroit Lions country. My mom just shook her head when she saw what I planned to wear my first day up there, but also said, "that's my son" with a big smile. There was no way I couldn't wear it. I considered it a visual ice breaker for conversation. It actually did make sense if you really think about it.

My mom spent the rest of the time just watching me I think. Smiling. She was proud of herself I believe. Why shouldn't she be? It's not easy these days being a parent, raising your kids right, and keeping all the bad outside influences out. That smile represented so much. It represented the countless hours she spent raising me and my brother. It represented all the happy moments we had together. She wanted me to see that smile and remember it. She knew that I would understand its true meaning. I did. I can't think of one bad moment I've ever had. I can't believe it, but I literally can't. How many people can say that? A big part of it is the respect I had for her. I couldn't treat her bad. I don't understand how my step dad could. Anyways, she was smart. She knew that I wouldn't be around much. I've told her my deams and aspirations. She agreed that that little town wasn't for me anymore. She wanted to take in every last view of her son. She was going to miss me like nothing ever before. I was her protector. I was the only decent conversation she had when she was home. I almost felt sorry for her that my step dad wass her only company now. Hopefully he does get better and change his way like I told him to.

Her and I call it a day and go for a walk around the neighborhood. We point out houses here and there of the people that live or lived there and moved on. Talk about stories of the things we did as little kids, where we played football with the neighborhood kids. She was bringing up all kinds of childhood memories. Memories I din't mind hearing about. the good ones. The happy ones. There was a few times I could tell she wanted to cry thinking about all the good times we had in that neighborhood. I just put my arm around her and kept walking. She didn't need to get upset. I was still there for one more night. We did a lot of laughing thinking about things as well. My face was actually hurting a little bit from smiling so much. I don't think she wanted that walk to end, but it had to. We had to get home. It was getting late and I was leaving for school tomorrow late morning. I didn't want to sleep in and waste valuable time.

Wheel of Fortune it is. One last time. Then it was time for a shower and bed. I took an extra bit of time in the shower to relax my nerves a little. I was starting to realize this was my last night here until who knows when. I must have been in there a half an hour. It helped a lot though. I finished up and grabbed the last of my shower stuff and wrapped it up in plastic bags. Then put it in the last open suitcase. Tonight I really didn't feel like listening to the normal heavy metal music. Tonight I wanted to switch it up. I threw in some classical music. I actually love it. I played in the orchestra in high school, second chair Viola. I had a thing for it. It was calming and at times, made me feel more sophisticated. I put my headphones on a drifted off to Pachabel Canon. Such a beautiful melody.

When I wake up I just lay there and stare at my boxes in the corner. It will only take aout ten minutes to load everything, so I'm in no rush. It's still quite early, but I can smell coffee so I see it as a good opportunity to sit down one last time with my mom and shoot the shit. Not much was said. She was proud and sad at the same time. Both of her babies were all grown up and off to college. My step dad was nowhere to be found. I asked my mom, but she didn't know where he was, even though he knew I was leaving this morning. Go figure, what a class act.

I finish my coffee and take my time loading up my truck. I can tell she's starting to get emotional. She's just staring off in to space. I put the last of my stuff in and walk over and just give her a really nice big hug. Almost like a bear hug. She smiled with tears in her eyes, and put her hands on my cheeks and told me to please drive safely and call when I get there. I gave her a hug again and told her everything was going to be fine and that I love her and will call her when I get in and settled. Probably the longest hug I've ever had. She needed it, but it was time to go. I got in my truck, started it up and gave her one last look and one more smile and a wave. It was time for this guy to start the next chapter in his life.