the butterfly project | destiel

3 | thinking.

castiel sat up late that night. he wasn't feeling very good. he had a weight pressing down on his chest that he felt he needed to release. then he thought back to what charlie showed him all those years ago. when he was a small twelve year old, so terrified of his own feelings. she came to him in his darkest times, like some sort of angel, and showed him a way to cope.

he thought back to the butterfly project.

he quickly fumbled with his package of markers in a hurry to get them out. he decided to go with bright colors this time. red and orange. he went bent over his thigh and started outlining the butterfly, making sure the wings had a special geometrical shape to them to make them spunky. after he spent a good while on this butterfly, he felt a little better. even though the rules for the butterfly project said you should name all your butterflies, he usually didn't. but this one was special. he delicately wrote "charles" right under it; charlie's dumb nickname. he would call her charles and she'd call him cassandra. it was their thing. he smiled down at his creation and sighed. it felt good. he was officially 3 months clean from self harm. he looked down to all the different faded butterflies on his legs and stomach and smiled. he never drew on his arms because he thought it was too obvious. he felt like someone would know what's up.

dean was up late that night anyway studying. he felt his leg protest at the weird feeling and quickly unbuttoned his jeans and pull them down to see whatever his soulmate was drawing this time.

he already guessed it was a butterfly. his soulmate had always drawn butterflies, since dean was in middle school. he didn't know what it was about; why they did it. maybe they just really liked butterflies. he was excited about it nonetheless. he took his reading glasses off his face.

he saw the bright red butterfly with pointed wings and smiled. it was beautiful, as always. he tilted his head when he realized they were writing something underneath.

"charles."

dean snickered. funny name for a butterfly.

once he realized the piece was done he pulled his jeans back up to his hips and buttoned them, and once again turned his attention to the book report he was supposed to write over the summer but didn't. luckily, his teacher was lenient and was giving him a few more days to get it done. he really had to pound it out though in order to both read a book and come up with three pages of writing in just a short couple of days. he sighed and looked over at the digital clock he had next to his bed. it read 2:43, and he realized he would probably be up all night. he groaned, head in his hands, before walking downstairs to fix a pot of coffee.

as the early morning hours dragged on relentlessly, dean was left to think about the boy he had met, castiel.

he was adorable. dean smiled and turned scarlet when he thought of the way he met castiel's gaze because he was so shy. or the way the boy stuttered when dean "confronted" him about reading his notebook. he thought about charlie and jo, and about how even though they weren't soulmates, they still dated. he thought it was a bold move. it was really uncommon for people to date anyone who's not their soulmate. hookups were one thing, but being in a relationship with someone not meant for you has always been a bit frowned upon. but they did it anyways.

his train of thought once again pulled into a station with castiel's name. he really did think the boy was cute. "maybe", he thought. "maybe i could pursue him, and we could have a relationship like charlie and jo." he smiled at the thought. he just hoped cas wouldn't be opposed to it.

well, there's only one way to find out.