the butterfly project | destiel

1 | nightmare.

the butterfly project:
1) when you feel like you want to harm yourself, take a marker or pen and draw a butterfly instead.
2) name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.
3) you must let the butterfly fade naturally. no scrubbing it off.
4) if you hurt yourself before the butterfly is gone, you've killed it. if you don't, it lives.
5) if you have more than one butterfly, self harm kills all of them.
6) another person may draw butterflies on you. these butterflies are extra special. take good care of them.
7) even if you don't self harm, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways to show your support. name it after someone you know who is suffering; it could help.

***

dean awoke in a start in the middle of a very cold fall night. he felt the familiar tingling sensation on his skin and sighed. he looked down to his thigh, where the feeling had occurred. sure enough, a bright blue butterfly was being artfully drawn onto his skin. he spoke, as if he were communicating to his soulmate through the doodle.

"what the hell are you doing up at 4 in the morning?" he said with a playful smile. obviously he received no answer, and bundled himself back up in the sheets and rolled over.

after trying to fall back asleep for about half an hour, he gave up and went downstairs for some coffee. he tread down the creaky steps as quietly as possible as to not wake his younger brother, sam. the coffee did as he thought it would and warmed him, with help from the blanket he still had cocooned tightly around his body. he watched as the sun eventually came up through the small window above the kitchen sink and thought about his dream he had that night.

he remembered... falling. into something deep, dark, and unknown. it was scary because he didn't know where he was going to land.

he tried not to think about it any longer and went to wake sam. after hearing a halfhearted "okay" through the door he was satisfied enough to go back downstairs and rinse out his coffee mug.

when he got dressed that morning he threw on extra layers that were definitely necessary after last night's cold front. over his plain short sleeved pocket tee, he had a flannel, a hoodie, and then his leather jacket. he smiled as he looked at the worn material in the mirror. he thought back to when his dad, john, had first given it to him. it was his best birthday present to date.

he fixed his hair with gel, threw on his boots with an extra pair of socks, and started back towards the kitchen. he saw sam dressed for school eating a bowl of cereal. as he passed behind the shorter boy he ruffled his hair.

"don't." sam whined as he tried to put the hair back in place.

"lighten up, sammy." was the only response.

he grabbed the keys from their spot by the door and headed out the door, his brother following clumsily behind.

"you ready for your first day of high school sammy?" sam fumbled with his reply.

"not really." he admitted. "you ready for your last first day of high school?"

"i couldn't care less. time isn't real anyways." the older boy said with a playful shrug.

"touché?" sam replied as more of a question than a statement.

they pulled up to the large school, the tall building towering over the impala. sam knitted his eyebrows together in worry. dean pretended not to notice, he didn't have enough energy to be concerned with sam. the kid was just going to have to figure it out. he was smart.

they both made their way through the parking lot together before parting ways to find their own friend groups.

"dean!" he heard a familiar voice shout from behind. he whipped around to see none other than jo, his lifelong best friend. his dad's friend bobby married jo's mom, ellen, and he and jo hit it off almost immediately. she ran towards him and he picks her up and squeezes her tightly, both of them laughing the whole time. he sets her down and beams.

"where have you been stranger? you didn't call or come over for the whole summer! you had me freaking the hell out!" dean's voice raised in pitch as he realized just how worried he had been about the blonde.

"i told you that i was gonna get grounded for failing biology!" she defended.

"for the whole summer?" his eyebrows raised.

"you know ellen better than anyone, dean. she's a strict woman."

"well yeah but i figured you would've ass-kissed your way out of the punishment."

"i tried! i think after bobby... you know... it's just been super hard on her. she's really tense and... over-protective."

dean nodded in understanding. bobby was ellen's soulmate. they had met way later in life than most soulmates do, but they were still in love. bobby got injured in an accident in his garage, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down. ellen was devastated, maybe even more so than bobby was. she felt some kind of guilt too, like it had been her fault even though it wasn't.

the bell rang for first period and they made their way to their respective classes, looking off schedules they had printed offline. dean had english first hour. he strolled down the hallway to mrs. macleod's room. once he was there, he picked a seat and plopped down into it, not recognizing anyone in this class. great, he thought to himself. this class is gonna be a bore.

he rolled up his sleeve to leave a message for his soulmate, whoever they may be. he pulled a sharpie out of his bag.

"god, i'm so bored." he wrote. "school sucks."

little did he know, that a dark haired boy with cerulean eyes was sitting across the room had rolled up his sleeve after feeling that all-too-familiar sensation. he saw the words and smiled faintly to himself, leaving a simple reply.

"i feel ya."