Crazy love

3

The rest of the day resumed in its normal routine. Things clattering out of Ashtons over stuffed locker. Him quietly sitting in class, trying to make himself as small as possible. He realized he had four other classes with the two other boys. Both of which made embarrassedly big scenes when seeing Ashton. Basically he had first hour, which is science, lunch, music, gym, and math with at least one of the boys, if not both of them. All of those classes, included alot of funny faces and whispered comments sent toward the curly haired boy. Ashton was a little uncomfortable, he just started talking to these boys today, why did they already start acting like he was their best friend. It's not like Ashton didn't want to be their friend, he was just confused, they've had classes together for years, and just now seem to be noticing him. Eventually the bell rang for the end of the day. Ashton packed his backpack with the things he needed, then headed his walk home.

When he reached his house he loosened his grip on his bag straps, taking his keys out of his pocket he let himself in. The stairs creaked under his weight as he stomped up them to his room. The noise made him cringe, the acid in his stomach churning. He threw his bag in the direction of his desk before quickly stripping out of his skinny jeans. A sigh of relief filled the room as his skin was able to breathe again. Without looking too long he quickly grabbed the pair of sweatpants left discarded by his bed and put them on. Then grabbing his phone, he clambered back down the stairs. He stopped in the kitchen, getting some water, then went through to the door that lead to the basement. His sock covered feet almost slid on the second step, making him grab the railing and let out a squeak. His water bottle went bouncing down the steps before crashing into the wall at the end of the stairs. Slower this time, Ashton continued down to the basement. Snagging his water bottle off the ground, he walked to the back corner.

A small smile lifted his lips as he sat himself down on his drum stool, picking up the drum sticks and rubbing the pads of his fingers on them. Lucky his injured hand felt fine, just a tad sore. He had almost two hours before his family was due home, that's two hours of uninterrupted drumming.

After tapping the sticks together a few times, he started in on a familiar beat.

His drumming was interrupted two hours later when his little brother ran into the room. Ashton stopped quickly, grabbing his flannel and putting it back on. Harry didn't seem to notice, he just started rambling to his big brother about his day. Ashton was heaving, sweat running down him, making his clothes stick to him. He nodded along to Harry's stories, taking gulps of the water.

"Oh and dinner's almost ready" Harry added, walking backward as Ashton stood up. The boys went upstairs.

"Tell Mum in showering" Ashton said before running up the next set of stairs. He ran to his room, grabbing a new set of sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. Walking to the bathroom he made sure to lock the door before looking in the mirror. His flesh was red, the sweat making him look gross. His hair stuck to his forehead, and he had some lines in his face from scrunching so hard while drumming. He took off the flannel, before reaching in and starting the water. He peeled off the rest of his clothes, without looking in the mirror. Lastly he took off the bracelets that cluttered his arm. Red angry scars stared up at him, the skin of his wrist destroyed beyond recognition. He ran his hand through his hair, grimacing at the feeling of how sweaty it was. Glancing in the mirror he saw how it stuck up at odd angles. Ashton spun around and stepped into the shower, quickly washing himself down. After he cleaned himself, he stood under the water. His eyes staring blankly at the wall ahead of him. At one point they moved down to his wrist, the water trailed down it, swirling around until they reached the end of his fingertips and fell to the tile below. Ashton whipped his head up when there was banging on the door.

"Dinner!" he heard his sister yell, followed by her footsteps running down the stairs. Ashton turned off the water, stepping out and grabbing the towel that hung off the back of the door. Ashton took his time getting dressed, trying to draw out the amount of time he had before he had to go downstairs. He dries his hair off with the towel so it was only damp, choosing to let it air dry. Looking in the mirror he frowned a little at the small curls that started to form. Taking a deep breath he then unlocked the door and stepped out into the slightly cooler hallway. He tugged his sleeves down, making sure they hung to his fingertips, that he then used to rub the soft fabric between, trying to ease his anxiety. Once he got halfway down the stairs, his families happy dinner time chatter ringing in his ears, he took a deep breath. PLastering what he hoped was a convincing smile on his face he stomped loudly down the last few steps, jumping into the kitchen and playing the role of the giggly son. He race past his family to the kitchen, quickly filling a bowl about a quarter of the way up with pasta. He then used his fork to smear some sauce around his mouth, before hunching over the bowl with his back to his family to pretend he was eating.

"Ashton!" His mother yelled, making him straighten up, "Sit down hon" she said smiling while shaking her head. "If you were ready earlier you wouldn't be so hungry that you couldnt wait to get to the table to eat."

If only you knew

Ashton smiled, letting a noodle slip out of his mouth and land back in the bowl. So far he hasn't actually eaten anything. He moved over to the table, sitting down in his spot. He paid rapid attention to his family, they thought he was listening intensely to their day, but really he was waiting until they weren't looking before bringing his napkin up and spitting the food from his mouth into it. He would then place the napkin between his knees under the table, letting his dog eat out of his hand. After his meal looked like he put a dent in it, Ashton jumped up, making the rest of his family jump as well.

"I totally forgot I have homework!" Ashton gasped, before running his dish to the sink, and skipping past the table and back up the stairs. He heard his mother scolding him under her breath, before asking his siblings if they too had homework. Ashton shut his bedroom door behind him, letting out a sigh. He grabbed his phone, checking through his twitter notifications, and walked out into the bathroom. Locking the door behind him, he brushed his teeth, letting out a small sigh at the fact that he didn't eat anything today, meaning he didn't have to purge anything. He hated doing that, his gag reflect was horrible, so it would take him a few painful hours to get anything up. Usually resulting in a lot of spit, a sore throat, gross fingers and a lot of frustration and feelings of failure from the boy. Once he brushed his teeth he stood there staring at his reflection. His fingers twitched at his side, his wrists getting hot as the urge to self harm grew inside him.

Today wasn't a horrible day.

Still, no one cares enough to worry about you.

He let out a heavy sigh as his head filled with more and more thoughts. Eventually he found himself curled up in his bed, his arms stinging to the high heavens, the bandages wrapped tightly around his thin arms to try and keep him from bleeding through to his shirt. He pulled the sleeves down, making sweater paws that then pushed into his chin, the blanket pulled up over his head as he curled into the smallest ball possible in the top corner of his bed. His nose almost touched his wall, his knees pulled to his shuttering chest. His eyes burned with tears that wouldn't shed. He hasn't cried in a long time. He used to cry himself to sleep, now he just got filled with the overwhelming urge to cry while his eyes remained blank.

This was much worse.

At least with crying he was guaranteed to pass out right after. With this, he would be awake for hours.

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