Today's been a quiet day, playing monopoly with Shoshanna and Chloe, going over some work files with Shoshanna.
Eating is hard, each bite a battle, as I fight the Ana Demon whispering what a fat pig I'll become. Breakfast shakes help, they give me what I need and the Demon doesn't mind them so much.
Last night I had like bad problems with my blood pressure and pulse, low and high respectively.
I panicked, hearing that might go to the hospital, thinking Anna meant the psych ward. I was going to go out the window, but like got caught by Chloe and Shanny.
I was bad, tried to fight Shanny, and scratched her. She was cool about it, forgave me, except for girlie scratching her. She's taught me martial arts, she was ashamed I cat fighter her!!!
I got weighed this morning before group, 99 pounds. Better than losing?!
Group is mixed, good and bad. People there have like way worse issues than me, low functionality and disruptive, so we get maybe 10-15 minutes of therapy out of an hour of bitching, fighting, and acting out people. I don't know why the staff allows it!
Setbacks: Trying to run away last night, hurting Shanny, and annoying Olga.
Victories: I'm making green chili with chicken and some Mexicana bread with Shanny for dinner. It smells yummy, a first in forever.
Affirmation: I can find positive in life still
Request: Ideas for light small portion meals, no pork please
Love
Miribeth xoxo
