Today has been a wonderrible day, wonderful but terrible.
My sister Shoshanna aka Shanny, took me up to a spa in Ithaca, New York, for like beauty stuff.
I have never done such a thing before, manicure, pedicure, fake nails, massage, and restoration treatment on my poor hair.
Memo to those considering anorexia? Forget about your hair, skin, and nails. My hair is fried,... my nails brittle, and my skin vampire pasty.
The terrible part of today? The food, having to eat while my demon screams don't. Crying because strawberry french toast tastes good, while my inner monologue screams how fat I will be.
The look of sympathy on Shanny's face as she patiently waits for me to eat a Subway Kid's meal, taking 73 minutes. Wanting to organize and sort my food, but knowing she will stop me.
I look a little pretty again, less ugly, as I sit shivering outside in 82 degrees Fahrenheit sunny weather. That's like 25 degrees Celsius to everyone not American.
Struggles today: Self hate, eating, no scales, and earlier being touched by strangers
Victories: I had fun, love spending time with Shanny, and look a little better. And hey, writing this, it's like way hard, being bullshit free.
Daily Affirmation: I love helping others like you guys are helping me
Love,
Miribeth
