A Dreamer's Destiny

A Dreamer's Destiny (20)

“I am sorry Jason. It’s over. Please forgive me. You deserve someone special and I don't think I am that person anymore. Don't make it more difficult for me then it already is. With time we will just forget that we liked each other. I am sorry...... Katherine”

I wrote it on a piece of paper and slipped it in his locker, the same locker where it all had begun 2 years ago. Since that day, he always stood by my side. Grandpa’s accident, during Sara’s death, during Richeal’s annoyingly broken leg he had been there for all. I didn’t even realize how we both come this close, how we both admitted our feelings, we just did. It had been a roller coaster ride, my life. More dreams, more tears, more loss that still dwells me. People I am close to, people who mean the world, are paying the cost of having a jinx in their lives, me. It was alright in the beginning when I could actually do something, be somewhere, and just somehow stop the any mishap but now, no matter how fast I run, how bad I try, how painful it is, what I see just happens, someone dear just dies in front of me, and the worst part is I have to see it all twice. Amidst all the darkness that I thought would emerge me within, Jason, has been my ray of light that holds my hand and brings me out of that depressing sea every time I dive in it. But for how long? Its only time when I see another dream, a dream of him, and not the kind one would expect to see.

I put the page in his locker. Before I could even turn around, and walk away Jason came near me.He gave me his usual smile, the one that melts my heart each time. He opened his locker and found my note, I wanted to just leave from there, how to watch his heart break.

“Seems like you wrote a love letter to me!” He said as he held my hand to stop me from going away.

He started reading it. I just didn't know what to do. I had to escape from here or else I would have to face him which I can’t. I can’t bear to look in those eyes I can’t bear to see that face. I knew, I wrote the biggest lie about with time we forgetting each other as for me that time would never show up. It took all my strength to write those words on that page and see Jason reading them. Before I could leave the hall strong arms pulled me from my waist and pinned me on the wall. With his hands firmly holding my hands leaving me no way to escape from his hold Jason stood their looking in my eyes searching for an answer searching for the truth.

"Jason just leave me." I said with my already breaking voice. His eyes were filled with rage and worry and love and all that for me. I was not worth it. At least not with the curse that I carry with me. It seemed like me asking him to leave me didn't affect him. He was just looking in my eyes and I trying to avoid looking in his.

"Why?" were his words. My heart was crying inside me and I knew his heart was no different. I held a mask on face to cover the cruel truth that I held in, to cover my pain to cover my love for him that was engraved in my heart for eternity even if I had to part with him I knew I would love him till my very last breath and would continue even after my end. For what seemed like an age to pass I finally found the courage in me to say something.

"I just wrote everything Jason, now there is nothing more left to talk about." I said with literally praying the Gods of death to take me as his eyes were burning with each word I said.

"I read what you wrote Miss. Katherine, what I want now is to know the TRUTH." he said with that pain in his voice that took everything I had. Don’t ask me the truth I know once you know why i am taking this step you would never listen to me. All my attempts of ignoring you will go in vain.

"There is no truth... I.... don’t love...” I lied but before I could complete my sentence I felt his hands pushing my hands with so much pressure that it started hurting me. But my hand disturbed the pain it was getting. He was just pressing his body against mine so that I had no option but to face him.

"You don’t love me, is that what you were about to say." He said, his voice was piercing arrows on my heart making it stop beating with each word came out his mouth. I just kept looking down not able to look in his eyes.

"Look in my eyes and say it again." he growled. He knew I can’t lie looking in his eyes. He knew it.

"I... Don't... I...” I stuttered. Why is it that difficult? I promised myself so many times that I will do this. I have to do this I can’t lose him. When I saw in his eyes this times I found tears that reflected in my eyes. We both knew I can’t say that. He knew it he knew how much I love him to lie to him.

"Why are you doing this to me katty?" He said with his head buried in my neck.

"I don’t have a choice..." I didn’t know how these words escaped. I regretted having said that as i knew it would not take him too long to read me. So once again I mentally slapped myself and put on my poker face.

"I don’t have a choice... I am no more in love with you, I feel detached." I said. By now I saw standing but the inner me was all crumpled down on the floor like a broken piece of mirror, hurting me more, cursing me more.

"STOP doing this to me!" He shouted on me. But still I couldn’t find the hate in his voice for me that i just wanted to have.

"Is this tough for you... then guess what its killing me inside." I could not help but say. He feels that I am happy doing this to him. How can he even think that? Oh no... no no no no... Why did I said that. Why?? Katty why you said that? He will figure everything out in a second. I have to say something, the longer he sees in my eyes the sooner he will get to the truth.

"It’s killing me to be even talking to you... Its suffocating me when I am near you." I rebelled. I have to lie if I want him to live happily. After hearing my words I felt my hands were held free. His eyes were filled with an emotion I have never seen him having. He left me there standing with my mask of lies. He went away, never turned back. He went away as he knew that if he stayed any longer he would not be able to control his anger. I fell across the wall with tears burning my face making me blind. How could I do that to my love, how can I? But I have to control my emotions; I can’t let anything happen to him because of me. I can’t be so selfish. Now he is angry, he is in pain but soon he will get over this. Soon he will forget that he ever fell in love with me. I will make him hate me to the extreme that he would never see my face again. 

* Hello everyone! I know i dont even have the right to apologize for not updating this story for 2 years. But now i have decided that i am gonna finish it, and i will. So i hope you will read it like old times.