Stuck In The Traffic

Chapter 17

Everyone is staring at me and giving me weird looks. No one says a thing to me but I can see in their eyes what they're thinking.

"Oh that poor girl."

"Attention Seeker."

"Why would she do that? Don't we have enough problems?"

"She's sick. Insane."

I avoid eye contact with anyone. I don't want to see their looks of pity and hatred. I didn't tell anyone of course but I didn't exactly try to hide it either.

I don't remember finishing last night. I'll I remember is waking up in bloody sheets. My hand hurt but it was stiff and I had to pry the glass shard from my fingers.

It wasn't until after I had pried the shard from my fingers did I realize that someone was staring at me. She looks at me with horror as she took in the bloody sheets, the cuts on my body and the glittering shard that lay on my pillow. There was nothing I could do to hide it. No way that I could explain it away. Nothing I could say that would take away that look of horror in her eyes. So I didn't even try.

I could feel her eyes burning holes in my back as I walked past her to the bathroom. I'm not sure if she noticed the glass share was now missing from my pillow and I didn't care enough to ask. There was no way I'm going to let it out of my sight now. No way that I'm gonna let "them" take it.

I walked down the hall shamelessly. Not nothing to hide anything but not showing it off either. The deepest cuts were still bleeding and I left a trail of smudged and splattered blood on the white tiles. Everyone would stop and stare but I didn't make eye contact I just looked straight ahead until I made it to the bathroom.

There were three girls in there just chatting away. The chatting quickly stopped when they saw me. One looked like she was seeing a ghost. I guess that makes sense. I was pretty gruesome looking. I hadn't taken two steps towards them before they cleared out of there. That was completely fine by me. I turned the shower on and stood under the cold water, still fully clothed.

"The act is over," I thought to myself.

"Now they know. I'm not half as strong as they all thought I was."

The realization that I didn't have to pretend anymore hit me hard and I slid down on the ground. I pulled my knees to my chest and watched the water wash away the blood. I watched the bloody water flow down my body across the floor and down the drain and suddenly tears began to flow down my face.

By the time I got out of the shower and dressed the blood smears from the floor had been cleaned up and my bloody sheet and been exchanged for fresh clean ones. My floor around my bed and the halls reeked of bleach so everyone had to walk around with a sleeve covering their faces.

Now I'm here sitting at lunch, alone of course, and pushing my broccoli around my plate. I'm not hungry, in fact even the thought of food is making me sick.

"Abby won't ever be able to eat again."

The thought sends me over the edge and I quickly throw my food away before I wretch.

There's no where else to go so I return to my table. I lay my had against the table and play with a napkin. The cold steel feels wonderful against my cheek and I can see a light reflecting in its surface. The napkin changes forms under the commands of my fingers. Not allowing myself to think, just letting my fingers move and flow the way they want to It twist and flips and turns changing into a fortune teller, a chicken, a star, a bow tie, and finally a swan. I don't pull the swan immediately apart as I did the others. I let it rest there in the reflecting light, as I gently flap it's wings. Swans. They're so white and pure. So clean. So innocent. It's something I wish I still was. I've just crushed the swan in my fist when I realize that the cafeteria has gone silent. I glance around and notice that everyone is staring at the door. When I lift my head I see Ethan standing there with a policeman. A million thoughts race through my head of why he could be here and none of the reasons are good, but I barely have time to register them before the policeman makes eye contact with me.