My Secret, Our Secret (BoyXBoy)

Chapter 9

In my old school, I was with a normal group of friends, I had lived in New York for like ever. In middle school I confessed to a boy, he was the most popular kid and the most good-looking boy in the middle school. At that time I was still innocent and I didn't know that liking guys would be a bad thing. After I confessed he looked at me weirdly but accepted my feelings. I didn't know at the time, I was just foolishly happy that I didn't know his true intention. He said that he loved me and I believed him, I believed every word he had said.

**********************

I dated him for about two months.

One day I was waiting for him so we could walk home together like a little girl. He didn't come so I went to find him. He was in one of the classrooms talking to his friends. I was going to go in but stopped when I heard what they were saying.

"Hey, you're so handsome that you even attracted a guy," one of his friends said.

"I guess," he said.

"But isn't it gross?" the other friend said, I flinched and covered my mouth.

"Hmm, I guess, but he is pretty just like a girl so I don't really mind. Although I do prefer girls," he said. My eyes went wide and I entered the classroom, my eyes were near to tears.

"Oh my gosh! It's Leon!" his friend exclaimed.

"Haha, you were eavesdropping? So rude!" the other friend said.

"Hey...Leon," he had said gently as possible, he reached out his hand towards me. I slapped it and ran from him, tears flowed as I ran and ran. I went to the back of the school and hid.

"Leon? Ah, I knew you would be here. You like to hide here when you're feeling bad," he said as he came to me. He hugged me and sweet talked me, "You know I didn't mean that, right? I just said that, because they suddenly asked me that and I didn't know what to say. You know that I love you the most right?"

I was sweet talked to and gave in to him because I really did love him. I don't know what his intention was but I still loved him.

Why did he go out with me for four months if he didn't like me? But I knew that it was because he wanted to hurt me, he wanted to hurt the innocent boy that used all his courage to confess. He wanted to make me believe that he loved me, then throw me away harshly and that's what he did.

I remember on the day of our four month anniversary he came to my house with a rose in his hand. He held it to me on the day my mother wasn't home. He had smiled at me so lovingly that I was drunk on him. We talked and spent time together as a couple together we relaxed and laid next to each other. It was such a special day. It was late and my mother was going to come home so he decided to go home, he walked out the door and smiled at me, I smiled back.

"Go on home," I had said to him with love in my eyes.

"Hey, you know...I really like you, right?" he said to me with calm eyes. I looked at his eyes and I suddenly lost my smile.

"Um...yeah I do," I said, I tried to smile to cover up the tension in the air. He looked at me and smiled.

"I really did like you, a lot. I liked your expressions when I teased you. I like how you get so happy at every little thing I do," he chuckled, "I felt really guilty sometimes though, you know? Like how you fell for me so bad that it made me laugh. I really liked your face but let's break up, I prefer girls after all," he said calmly as if he was mocking me. I gulped and choked on the tears that were dying to come out.

My face was twisted in pain and hatred but the hatred didn't last long because I love him, even after all he had said.

"Haha! I like that face you're displaying now the most!" he grinned and glared at me, "Don't come near me again, you disgust me!" he said coldly as he walked away. Today was supposed to be a special day but why had it end up this way. I fell down as my legs fell weak and I wept and sobbed on the cold, hard floor. I cried and cried but this time he never came back to find me even though I called for him.

I stayed home the next day. I holed myself in my room, I was reminded again of the memories we had. When I was sick or didn't come to school he had come over to my house and looked after me in this very same room. Tears welled up and my heart ached, it was then that I knew very well that gays weren't welcome. I was afraid if I was to tell this to my mother, would she leave me too? I curled myself up and swore to keep this a secret from now on.

I had gone back to school and everyone's glares were now different. They had known about our relationship and they really didn't say anything because it was him, but now they look at me with eyes of disgust. They abused me mentally and physically. All he did was watch me and he would hang out with the girls like he had done before dating me. I thought he had been serious about me, I would never cry in front of him. The only time I ever did was when he had kissed a girl in front of me and he had whispered "I love you," to her with the gentle, sweet tone he used on me. That was the only time my heart couldn't hold back, it was torn badly.

After middle school he went to a different school and I lost contact with him, I thought that the abuse would stop but in high school there were some people who knew about me and continued to bully me. I could never tell my mother what was happening because if I did I will have to tell her that I was gay and I do not want that. I endured the abuse for about four years.

Unexpectedly my mother had decided to move away, I was glad. I was glad that I could start a new year at a school that doesn't know me.

Fall is the season of falling...

On the same day, I swore to never speak of the secret I hold.
I guess I couldn't though...