My Secret, Our Secret (BoyXBoy)

Chapter 6

Every day I feel like I'm living a lie. I put a mask on at home and at school, everywhere I wear a mask. There is no place for me to feel safe, there's no place where I can be myself. I know that someday I would have to tell this secret to everyone but can that day wait for just one more day? Just one more day I keep telling myself that. Just one more day let me keep living this life and not let this mask be broken.

Every day I fear that I would be broken down and exposed, if this secret was to come to light how would others opinion change? Would they stay the same? Would they accept me? Every day I drown myself with these questions.

"Hey! Why are you not smiling? You smile almost every day when you head out that door," John said as he came up to me, I was too deep in thought to had heard him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" John asked as he shook me.

"Hm? What? Oh, hi there John," I forced a smile. I continued on still thinking, John followed quietly behind me.

When we reached the school, Jack stared at me even more than before. He pulled me over to him and whispered, "What's wrong?"

I stared at him, he was tall beside me and I felt short, "Nothing, " I replied softly as I pulled from his hold to create a proper distance. He stared at me even harder when I moved away from him.

"What's with the gloomy look?" June asked as he patted my head. My eyes light up unconsciously and I smiled. Emily stared at me then turned away when I caught her staring, somehow I felt like she stared at me out of hatred. Mimi stared at me with a worried look then went over to Emily to talk to her. I was confused by what that had meant.

I looked at June's smile that seemed to light up the dark world around me and felt that my lies and secrets aren't that bad, I feel like I could tell him anything yet I'm still afraid. Every day I sway from hate and love.

Even if I were to tell someone about my secrets the next day when I awake everything would have changed so to forget everything and smile I paint lies over lies with more lies, I can't even tell what are lies and what are truths anymore. I smile in this cruel world to hide my feelings.

After school, June and the others went somewhere and I was left with Emily and Mimi, "Well, goodbye then," I said to them as I sneak away from Emily's cold stare.

"Wait," Emily said with a calm voice, I turned around and her face doesn't look calm at all.

"Yeah?" I asked nervously. Mimi also seemed restless as her eyes turn over to me then Emily.

"You," she starts off coldly, "you like June don't you?" my heart dropped and sweat started to form.

"What are you talking about?" I said with a shaky voice. I love June? Impossible!

"Don't even try to hide it, I can tell," Emily said with a smirk on her face, "don't you even dare to push your feelings on to him, it's disgusting!" she said harshly. I can feel my eyes starting to form hot tears in my eyes, I held it in.

"It's...not like that," I said as I hung my head low. My stomach was all twisted and I feel sick.

"You're not fooling anyone. You smile every time you see him, stop causing trouble for him. He doesn't sway that way and he hates people like that," she said as she glares at me with her cold eyes that seem to pierce through me. She pulled Mimi and they both went their ways.

I stood there quietly choking on my tears and feeling my ice cold hands. My heart became heavy as I cried softly on my way home. I entered the dark, quiet house that has no warmth.

I wish I could be normal, I wish I could be strong. I want to go somewhere far away, I want to disappear just like this. I don't want to stay in a world that could not let me become normal, I hate it so much.

Today someone smiles again and someone cries, it's amazing that I could smile through all this.

I went to school the next day I avoided Emily and Mimi as I quietly stand there. I wished that every second I stand here could last longer, I was afraid for when Emily would just blurt out the secret I tried so hard to hide.

They joked and laughed but for some reason, I couldn't laugh with them because I'm different. June smiled at me as he laughs with the others, he's always smiling happily and so I sway from hate to love for this world. Again today the world is cruel to me and again I cry, but when I see his face I don't know what to feel anymore. Even if Emily said cruel things yesterday I thought I could smile when I saw your face but I was wrong, I can't even look at your face.

I'm sure you don't know, that today I couldn't sleep again. In this trashy world I hate it but if you could smile through all of this then the days seem a little special too. Again we make someone cry because we can't be kind, I'm sure that in the future I'll cry every day too.

My mind was on all of the negative thoughts I had that I didn't notice that I had fainted. I awoke in the nurse room, "Where...?" I managed to say.

"You fainted due to fatigue, did you not get enough sleep?" Jack said as he put his cold palm on my forehead, it feels good.

"Did something happen?" he asked, my body twitched and I shut my eyes closed tight, "It's okay, you're not obligated to tell me anything, but can I ask you something?"

I gulped and nodded, "Do you like boys?" he asked bluntly. It was so straightforward that I laughed, I laughed and laughed as tears stream down my face. He patted me not saying anything.

Once I calmed down I answered him, "...I-I do," I said hoarsely, I trembled and held back my tears again.

He patted me some more, I got angry because he wasn't saying anything, "Aren't you disgusted?" I burst.

"No...? Well, I'm pretty open minded but nothing can change the fact that you are Leon, right?" he smiled and I cried again, and again he patted me, "If you don't have any place to be yourself I will be your safe place, so be whoever you want to be with me," he said gently, I nodded. Unlike his sister, Emily, he was kind.

The secret I tried so hard to protect has been exposed.