Got to be You

The Checklist

A/N *pic credits to owner - she's so pretty here - hell 😂 she's always pretty 😍😍😍

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I know some would think "With my looks, its an easy thing to accomplish".

But you see i'm very complicated.

Maybe the reason I'm not that open to being in a relationship is because its a "Big Deal" to me.

A lot of guys do show interest in me - but what goes in my head is "For how long?"

I know i'm far from being perfect, i do have flaws - a lot...

You can say I'm scared and that I'm worrying more than I have to - but I just can't seem to let that thought go.

Maybe I'm naive, a hopeless romantic, or just plain stupid for thinking love is going to be a walk in the clouds with a "Happily ever after" banner at the end - but thats just the thing , I know it doesn't exist. I don't think I'm ready to accept the pain that comes with the joy of being with a guy I love.

And maybe that's just it.

I have't found him yet.

Or Im starting to believe he doesn't exist.

And thinking of dating and going in relationships to find him - imagining the dissapointments and stuff makes me unwilling to try.

Because I know me...

I'm the type who'll go all out...

Loyal...

I'll make him my world...

even if he turns out not to be the one - i will still try to make it work.

But i don't want to try - not anymore...

it took me a long time to get over that one experience in the philippines - i've moved on. But it hurt sometimes thinking about it and why it didnt work.

Okay... back to the current topic.

So i decided to pick someone (who'll de-virginize me ) who would pass my checklist in flying colors! ( This is really weird but ... carry on!)

-Single ( being a third party even for just a one fling thing is a big No No!)

- handsome ( of course! duh)

-yummy body ( keke...hey , its a big deal right - might as well go big!)

-private ( i'll have to ask around first to confirm this - he must be someone who'll keep this between us ... uhmm... yep with bommie too and... : connects index finger together.)

The last one is a little tricky.

- someone who will find me somehow attractive (to you know ... do it with me )  but i know in no way court me,ask me out or fall in love with me in a normal situation.

Because knowing that last part will somehow help me so i wont be delusional that there will be something else.

It will just be a one thing affair. Once done - its done.

Someone knocked on my door and as soon as I said come in , Bommie peeked in and smiled.

"Are you ready?" she walked in wearing a tight hugging black dress and a white trench coat in her arm.

I closed my note, looked in the mirror and checked my make up.

"You look very ... " she cant seem to find the right word.

"Ravishing? delectable? mouth watery?" i answered with a grin as I stood up and faced her.

"What are you? Food? Maybe the first one, ravishing... your dress screams "Ravish me!" she laughed and i cant help but laugh with her.

The knots in my stomach and the butterflies persisted since i started my preparation for tonight.

"I'm scared I'll vomit because of too much nerves." i played with the hem of my red dress feeling conscious that I wasn't wearing any bra, but just the nude color cups to add a little something to my bust size. Next to Bommie i felt like a little girl playing dress up.

She saw that certain look in my face - the look that shows my confidence is wavering.

And like a true bestfriend and sister that she is she told me what she always says when i need it.

"Those toned legs and cute tush will make him ejaculate early..." my mouth went open with a pop and she started laughing.

"Oh my God Bommie! I'm scared!" i grabbed my  head and closed my eyes.

I felt her warm hug and she patted my back gently.

"You don't have to do it... No one forces you and no one will judge you if you don't go through with it. We can just do a girls night out and have fun if you really can't make yourself  go through with it." she let go of me and look at my face.

"okay..." i answered. I looked back on the mirror and check myself.

-check me out -make-up : check

- killer body hugging-dress : check

- hope i wont trip and break my neck red stilletos : check

- rip me off - red thong : check

- handy bestfriend who'll lend me support and extra confidence boost : check

"Tabi said they're at the NB club now- all his friends are present... including him!" Bommie said as she read the message that just came in.

I nodded.

- the perfect guy who aced my checklist with flying colors : check!

"Let's get this over with! By tonight : lets say Sayonara to virgin Dara!

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