Artwork [h.s]

twenty-seven

I went home and cuddled up on the warm blanket over my bed, sitting up fast when I realised the pillow was still imbued in Harry's perfume.

I threw it on the ground, resuming my previous position, staring at the white wall in defeat. I felt stupid. I couldn't believe that, despite knowing that getting close to Harry would've led to no good, I'd still managed to fall for it. I thought I was being careful with what I was doing, but apparently Harry had played his cards way better than I had. And the worst thing was, it wasn't surprising. He'd done exactly what I knew he would've done, but hoped he wouldn't have. It was clear since the start that what he had in mind was nowhere close to what I had in mind, and yet I'd still fallen for his game.

Aiden might've been kind of obsessed with Harry, and certainly not what I wanted someone close to me to be, but on one thing he was right. Harry didn't care about me.

As soon as the thought crossed my mind I felt even more stupid than before. I was mad at myself, because I'd done exactly what he wanted me to do, despite knowing that it was just a game to him. I'd known someone like Harry would've never gone for somebody like me, I'd known since the start. Harry was just... so much of everything, and I just wasn't. Despite going to the same place every day, it was as if we came from two worlds apart.

I sighed and sat up, realising that being so upset over a boy I'd basically kissed twice was as embarrassing as having a crush on him was in the first place. I knew I would've had to somehow distract myself in order to keep the last bit of dignity I had left. I thought about calling Ella, but I decided against it since we weren't really on speaking terms. If I had to be honest, I didn't really know on which terms we were. It was as if every time we talked she had something to complain about.

I fell down on the bed again, staring up at the ceiling, internally groaning when another name popped up in my mind. I really didn't feel like hanging out with him, but I felt even less like staying at home in a cocoon of blankets crying over my stupidity. And considering, I'd never truly given him a chance to redeem himself, since I'd been taking every opportunity that was presented to leave him hanging.

I took my phone and unlocked it, scrolling down my chats until I found the name I was searching for. The last text that had been sent there was from over a month before. I nervously tapped my nail against the screen, deciding what to do. I sat there, looking at the name on my phone, for at least a whole minute before realising that I would've had to take a chance and hope I wouldn't have regretted it. I sighed, shaking away the feeling that what I was thinking of doing would've made everything more difficult for me later on, and started typing. It wasn't like Harry would've cared anyway, and at least Ella would've stopped nagging me about it.

To Aiden: Are you still up for that date?

I sent it, not giving myself the time to rethink my choices, and put the phone on the bed, standing up and taking the key from my nightstand before leaving the room.

I stopped in front of the door of my studio, unlocking it and going inside. I knelt in front of the dresser on one side of the room, making sure I had paper sheets of the right size. The next project was due in ten days, and I couldn't help but be happy about it, since it gave me the opportunity to stay away from Harry for a few days and decide whether I wanted to keep him as my model or not. It would've surely be awkward to be around him after what had happened, but at the same time I knew I wouldn't have got results as good as I had with another person modelling for me. I would've just had to decide whether I cared more about myself or my grades, which surely wouldn't have been an easy task alone.

I closed that drawer and opened another, taking a normal paper sheet and closing it again before walking to the other side of the room and putting the sheet on my desk. I took a pencil and put it next to it, turning on the lights. I sighed when I realised I'd forgotten my phone in the other room, and I left everything as it was to go get it.