Cardigan Diaries | ✓

Chapter 26: Choose Alex

This was it. I had made my choice and it was time to deliver the news. Taking a deep, calming breath, I turned to Danny.

"I'm sorry but I want to be with Alex." I looked at Alex. "Could you give us a moment?"

"I'll be in the studio." Alex glanced at Danny. "I'm sorry, man."

Danny rubbed his face as Alex walked away.

"Just don't," Danny said as soon as I tried to speak. "I don't want to hear it."
"But -"

"I thought our chemistry was special and I took a chance." Danny ran his hand through his hair. "And I crashed and burned."

"I'm sorry." I tried to touch Danny's arm but he pulled away. "Please don't give up on finding love. You're a great guy."
"But not great enough for you." Danny lowered his head. "I hope you won't ask us to be friends."

"Why not?"
"I can't be simply friends with you when I want more, especially knowing you're with him." Danny's voice cracked and so did a part of my heart.

I swallowed hard. "I understand."

"I wish you all the happiness in the world but I can't deal with all of this right now." Danny's jaw clenched and his eyes were empty. "Go already. Your man is waiting for you."

My feet refused to move. I wanted to leave things on a good note but Danny's demeanor indicated that wasn't an option. He turned his back on me and walked away.

I had no idea how long I stood in my place staring into emptiness before Alex walked next to me. I expected him to drown me in kisses but instead, he kept his distance.
"There's something I need to tell you." Alex rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm leaving for Croatia on Sunday to help a friend with his gallery. I'm not sure how long I'll be there and what I'll do after that."
My breath hitched as if I had been punched in the gut. "When did you plan all of this?"

With a strained voice, Alex told me about his friend Gabrijel who had been asking Alex to visit Croatia for a long time now. Alex had always wanted to go there as Croatia was a beautiful country. The day after Mel's party, Gabrijel had contacted Alex and told he was in serious need of help and offered Alex work. Alex hadn't agreed straight away but yesterday he had called Gabrijel, taken the job and booked a one-way ticket.

"I thought you'd be here longer," I whispered more to myself than Alex. "What about your display?"
"It's officially closed now."

I sniffed. "Why didn't you talk to me first?"
"Give me some slack, Jane. You wanted space and I didn't hear anything from you in two weeks." Alex rubbed his forehead. "I was sure I was friend zoned and didn't want to be that clingy guy who can't let go. I figured it was best to move on."

"I'm sorry, I screwed up." My chest ached. "I know how I feel about you now but I can't turn back the time."

I was angry at myself for taking so long to sort out my feelings. But no matter how hard I would beat myself, it didn't help nor matter now. One question hanged in the air that had to be asked.

"What does this mean for us? You hate long distance relationships and I don't like them either." I rubbed my chest trying to ease the pain. "I can't just up and leave with you because I have so much going on in here right now. And most importantly, I don't want to be the one who stands in the way of your dreams."
"We still have a few days before I leave but if we were to go any further, it would be even harder for me to leave you." Alex's voice cracked. "This is already killing me."

My heart and my self-control were crumbling and I wanted the whole situation to be over.
"We should leave this as it is then, it's for the best." I laid my eyes on Alex possibly for the last time. "Goodbye, Alex."