Cardigan Diaries | ✓

Chapter 21: Solace

"It's a wig." Alexa dangled the wig in her hand. "It's not cancer, if that's what you're thinking."

The thought had crossed my mind when looking at her completely bald head. Alexa told me that her condition was alopecia totalis, whis was an autoimmune disorder. It caused her immune system to attack her hair follicles. Alexa had had it for several years now and she told me there was a small chance of hair recovery, so she was hopeful. Most days Alexa could handle her panic disorder and alopecia but then some days all of that felt too overwhelming.

Alexa placed the wig back on to her head and said she sometimes liked to call herself "a hot mess".

While Alexa explained how her blog was therapeutic and a great escape from all of the stuff she was going through, I couldn't help but admire how natural her wig looked. It sure had fooled me.

"I thought I could handle being there because of Danny's presence", Alexa said when I told her that I saw her at Delicia's opening party. "But I couldn't. My wig was itchy and later I was at the brink of a huge panic attack, so I had to call my dad to come and pick me up."

"I was there in the bathroom and heard you talking on the phone."

"You must have thought I was a huge biatch." Alexa frowned. "I remember being quite rude to my dad on the phone."

There was no denying that but Alexa was understanding. She said she gave off that vibe sometimes on purpose because it helped to keep the wrong kind of people away. Now that I knew where she was coming from, I could understand her behavior better.

"Danny knows about my conditions and I said to him that I might tell you all of this today", Alexa said. "But like I asked, please don't tell anyone about any of this. I don't want for example that wretched Daisy to know."

She practically spat Daisy's name and I was about to ask about that but then Danny came back and wanted to know what he missed. Alexa casually mentioned that she opened up about her medical conditions to me and then it was Alexa's and my turn to play. Alexa demanded that I wouldn't go easy on her and I assured my intentions was to go all in.

****

"Are you feeling tired yet?" Danny asked when we were standing outside of Alexa's house.

The evening was a bit chilly but I was feeling nice and warm inside. Our visit made Alexa happy and I could in all honesty say I had a great time too. I even hugged Alexa and made sure she'd be okay until the arriving of her parents.

"On the contrary", I said and grinned. "Beating both of you made me feel quite exhilarated and energetic."

"Yeah, go ahead and rub it in." Danny sulked but admitted it was nice that Alexa had met her match. She had been a worthy opponent but in the end, the victory had been mine.

Danny asked if I wanted to make a quick visit to the beach since we were so close it. I agreed without any hesitation and quickly texted Mel an update about my whereabouts.

Then we left for the beach which bathed in sunset making it look picture perfect. We took our shoes off and walked in the shoreline. The water was cold this time of year and it was a bit windy but I didn't care. I just focused on breathing the fresh air into my lungs and listening to the waves hitting the shore.

Eventually my thoughts wandered to Alexa and her revelations. I had totally misjudged her based on the glamorous image she had created for herself. But you could never know what battles were being fought behind the facade. It reminded me that I had to put on my brave face at work in my last two weeks. I sighed and slowly began to slide into depression.