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Five: Confusing

After that, Mackenzie never spoke to me for a week. Rather, he’d been avoiding me, and I figured it was because after revealing the broken side of him, he didn’t want my presence to ruin his attempts at keeping up his cheerful façade. No matter how many times I tried to approach him, he’d look the other way and avoid my gaze. In class, he’d sit the farthest from me and join the cluster of other “popular” students.

First he confesses to me, and then he rejects my feelings before I could even admit to it, tries to get me to hate him, opens up to me, and then ditches me. I really wanted to hate him for pulling such an a-hole move, but I understood his motives at the same time. He had gotten too close to me to the point that he can’t hide his complicated and frustrated emotions. He had worked so hard to build up an approachable personality so he wouldn’t feel so lonely—he didn’t want my presence to ruin all of that. At the same time, I wished he would trust me more and reach out.

Mackenzie didn’t explain the details of his personal afflictions. He merely admitted to my words, cried, let go, and walked away without a word. He didn’t want me pitying him or try and help him. He firmly believed that no one could help him, and that any form of therapy-like confrontations was useless.

I have to try harder, I’d tell myself constantly, otherwise, if this keeps up, he’ll break. There’s no way he can keep hiding under that mask forever.

“This is the real me. There’s no way you’d love that side. You can’t accept it. So move on.”

Those were the last words he whispered to me before walking away that Saturday. I can’t move on if it’s like that. You’re telling me to abandon you when it’s you who’s pushing me away. With that kind of resolve, I just had to take all of the chances I had and confront him. I couldn’t leave him alone like that.

That following Friday, I had made a decision: if I wasn’t going to get through to him with the introvert I am now, then I have no choice but to be the assertive and loud girl I used to be. If I speak my mind, then surely he’ll listen. He’s in my Physics class, so maybe I can get this over with. If he dares to run away from me, he’s going to get it!

I put on my dark blue denim shorts, a black camisole, and a peach-pink translucent collared blouse. After braiding my hair into a Dutch crown, I put on my heeled, ankle high boots, slung my backpack over my shoulder, headed out the house, and drove my white Volkswagen to school. After taking my parking space, I walked along the sidewalk to the building, and while doing that, I saw the back of Mackenzie’s figure leaving a red van.

Perfect! That just made things so much easier. I fished out my phone to check the time—only twenty minutes until classes start. That was more than enough time.

Mackenzie’s posture wasn’t the best as he was hunched over slightly, his head hanging low, and hands in his pockets. I poked his shoulder to grab his attention, but he shrugged it off harshly. He knew it was me already?! That guy sure had some nerve to treat me like some flea after confessing his love to me.

Yeah, I was still super salty about that.

“Oy, Mackenzie!” I called out to him into his ear.

He staggered backward and gave me a look of disgust. “You’re so loud, it’s annoying…”

This a-hole didn’t mean it. I could tell: immediately after insulting me, he looked away to try and hide his regret. I figured I’d tease him a little more. “Well, you are the one who suggested that I shouldn’t hide my true self because of my insecurities.”

“Huh?” he questioned rudely. “When have I ever suggested that to you?”

“You mentioned how the girl you like—which just so happens to be me—is a wonderful person on the inside and that you didn’t really like how she hid that side of her.” The corner of his lips twitched and he rolled his eyes. Mackenzie was trying his best to hide the shame of defeat, but I stuck my tongue out. “You really can’t lie around me, can you?” I teased.