Back at Square One (BEN Drowned)

14

Okay. Alright. Many of you are probably wondering what my thoughts were. Y'know. What it felt like. What the ever living hell was going on in my mind, what was I thinking that was so weirdly stressful that it drove me to kiss Ben.

And I can proudly say with all my heart that I have no idea!

I can't even remember that well what it felt like. Granted, I, uhh...do have much more proof now. But that moment could have been completely different for all I know. So I guess you'll never know. Ha. Um, sorry.

But what I knew, almost immediately after Ben and I had that little talk, was that I was now in some deep shit. Something about the situation felt even more wrong now. A whole new layer was just slapped onto this rollercoaster ride; I wasn't even sure if I actually felt that way about him! And to make matters worse, he probably didn't feel that way about me anyway.

Probably? Don't be nice to yourself like that. He was just trying not to be rude, he's so disgusted by you now.

Dude. If that was true he would have looked at least a little bit more uncomfortable. What's your deal with this "everyone hates you" shit anyways?

I'm just telling the truth. I am you, after all.

True. Wish it wasn't, but it is.

Thank you. Good luck trying to win him back, you idiot.

Wait, win him back? We're friends, not ex-boyfriends with a grudge.

Well, who says he still wants to be your friend?

Without hesitating this time, I opened up my laptop and went directly to Cleverbot.com. It was time to break out the big guns.

You don't even know if he still uses that.

Shut up. Worth a try.

Hey there, buddy...? Is that something I could call you? Because it feels weird for some reason.

He responded after a couple of seconds. I could swear I heard faint laughter coming from inside my computer.

Yeah I don't think that's gonna work. Wanna try again?

Sure pal. Wait. Ugh, no. That's even worse.

Agreed. Maybe just don't do that then. What's up.

I was arguing with myself about whether you hate me or not after...you know. Wanted to hear your thoughts.

Oh. Well...I sure hope I don't hate you. Why would you think that, anyway.

You know! That thing I did yesterday, like, in the middle of our conversation.

I hit enter, hoping with the utmost sincerity that he couldn't sense how nervous I was about all this.

You could just say it, you know. You kissed me?

...yeah. That. How are you being so casual about this? Does it happen to you that much?

This is the second time at most. Promise. Why don't you just talk to me in person? That seems like what our conversations usually lead to these days.

Because this is easier to handle.

I'm sure it's not. I'm coming on out.

"Wait, but—"

I didn't have much time to explain exactly why it would be easier to talk through Cleverbot before he popped up next to me on the couch. At first I just flinched a little; I was getting better at handling his whole appearing-suddenly-right-by-me-with-no-real-reason bullshit. But when I took a second look I noticed he was in full kid Link garb, hat and all. I gave him a strange look, to which he responded with a sigh.