Back at Square One (BEN Drowned)

28

I still met with Dr. Bryant every week after that. He asked me how things were going since, and whether I'd tried talking to Ben about why he acted the way he did. I said we'd worked some things out. I didn't have the heart to tell him that what we really did was delay the problem; that other Ben could come back. He could still get angry for whatever reason, and lash out again. I wasn't entirely sure if I even told the doctor there was this other Ben. The most I could do was try not to convolute things.

A couple of days later, my phone had started buzzing with spam messages from different numbers all over the place. Sometimes they made sense; not like I knew what they were talking about, but they were comprehensible sentences and words. Others were...confusing. Like someone slept on their keyboard while it was still on, and just hit send without thinking. I tried asking Ben multiple times if he knew who was sending these things, but whenever I needed to reach him he was never around. For a while I thought that occasionally, he'd switch back and forth between the real him and BEN and send me nonsensical shit from random numbers that weren't attached to an actual phone. I never got a solid answer, though. I ended up ignoring these messages, especially the ones that were somewhat threatening. I knew that if the most he could do to scare me was text, then he wouldn't be that dangerous right now.

Not that Ben was never around, because he was. A lot more than usual, actually. I'm pretty sure finding out that his other side killed two people and drove me to getting therapy scared him into never leaving the house again. Now I was starting to feel bad for even suggesting that any of this was his fault; I was the one who straight-up abandoned him. He had every right to be angry. But I also started wondering if he could even control that demon. It didn't seem like he tried fighting it, but then again, I wasn't around when it came out. I'd just kind of witnessed it happen afterward, and through a camera nonetheless. So how could I possibly know what happens when it takes over?

Once, I caught him hugging his knees to his chest on my bed with no intention of moving. I sighed and sat down next to him, asking him what was wrong, idiot boy.

"Ha. Um, not that much. You don't have to worry."

"Like hell that'll work. Come on, tell me what's bothering you."

"...it's just that...you know. I don't know what's been happening to me lately. I mean, there's the obvious, but other than that, I just feel so off. Like something bad going to happen, and I won't remember it, and it'll be because of me somehow."

"Ben, don't say that. If anything, this has all been my fault. You've been blacking out more, haven't you?"

He lifted his head. "How did you know?"

"I've been getting weird messages on my phone for almost two weeks. I'm pretty sure they're all from you. Or, well...the other you."

He paused for a second, then buried his face again. "God. I-I'm sorry, Ave."

"It's really fine. They don't even say that much, it's just key-smashes most of the time."

"Still. What if I said something really awful to you? Why is this even happening?"

"Hey." I shifted closer and wrapped an arm around him, resting my head on his. "It's gonna be okay. Everything's been going pretty smoothly, I've been seeing that doctor guy...hell, I've got at least one other friend at school. If I can pull my life together like that, then you can definitely get back to normal."

"You really don't know my normal, Avery. But...thanks."

For some reason, I suddenly remembered walking by the abandoned church with Jason, and some things started making sense.

"...do you think, maybe, if you get more answers...then you'll finally be at peace with all this?"

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know. Some part of me keeps saying that I know all there is to know about what happened to me. But I feel like somethings missing, and I just can't figure out what."

I hesitated to respond. But what else could I do?

"I think...well, I think I know someplace where you can find what you're looking for."

He lifted his head, eyes wide. "What do you mean?"

I fiddled with the hem of my shirt. "I may or may not have some ideas about where the Moon Children's base is...in this town."

Ben sat up, looking almost scandalized. He opened his mouth multiple times to say something, but nothing seemed to come out. Finally, he breathed out through his nose. "I don't think I need to tell you that going there would be an extremely bad idea."

"I know it's risky, but they have to have their reasons, right?"

"Of course, and those reasons are that they're all nutcases with a boner for some made-up moon goddess!" He sighed. "God, it should not feel this good to finally say it out loud. Have I really never called it like it is like that before?"

"I mean...I really can't argue with that."
"...but?"

"But maybe there's even more to it than that. Either way, wouldn't it be fun to crash a base? They might not even be there."

"I-I don't know, Ave. Given what just happened, do you really think this is a good idea? I'm as unstable as ever, if something else happens then it might come back."

"You'll be fine. I have to do this for you. At least."

"...what?"

"I've been trying to help the situation by steering you away from the things that hurt you, but it's only made everything worse so far. You need to come to terms with all this, and I think the base is how."

He hesitated. Finally, he sighed in defeat. "Fine. I'll...I'll come with you. We can crash the Moon Children base. Just to get this over with. But if anything happens while we're there...that's on you."

I suddenly had Meghan's voice playing on repeat in my head.

"If something weird happens, and my computer starts acting up, that's on you."

I closed my eyes and stood up. "Yeah. I know. Come on."