Back at Square One (BEN Drowned)

18

Needless to say, that gave me a lot to think about on my way home. My mind was reeling, so much so that Ben had to walk for me again. It felt strange to find out something that tied him and me even more together; my inner narcissist tried convincing me that this meant that we were—

No. Stop. This isn't about you. This doesn't change as much as you think it does, it just means we have one thing in common. What's wrong with you? Why do you keep thinking these things?

Oh, I don't know, maybe because I'm getting lonely! Maybe it's because some of these things might be true. Ever think of that?

Don't be stupid.

Everything okay in there...?

Absolutely.

Sure.

I glared ahead of me, realizing a little too late that he probably couldn't see me. I was most likely just giving a death stare to some nearby lamppost. I heard a tiny, muffled snicker in my head and scoffed. Of course.

I'm sorry, but you do kinda look funny when you just glare at random things for no reason.

"When"? Do I actually do that? How much?

Just screwing with you. It was just this once. God, you can get really defensive sometimes.

It's in my blood. Like a tiger has its stripes.

That's not because of blood, dude.

Whatever. Just...I'm 16. Okay? It'll fade when I'm older.

Alright. Doesn't mean you shouldn't grow tougher skin now. If I wanted to, I could probably delve deeper into your subconscious and analyze—

For the love of god, do not do that, you won't like what you see. I promise.

Ha. I'm just messing with you again. I mean, I probably could do that, but...nah. Not really something I'd pull.

Good. Also, fuck you.

Sorry. I do that a lot. I mess with people, even in little ways. I just thought it'd be more funny and less traumatizing this time.

I blinked once, suddenly aware that I hadn't done that in a while, and found myself staring at my front porch. Oh.

Yeah, kinda forgot to tell you. We're here.

It's fine. You're fine. I'm just a little...I don't know. Stressed? Something like that, I guess.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm fine, you know. But okay.

—

I had school tomorrow, so I decided to skip dinner and rest my head for the evening. I couldn't tell exactly what time it was; all I knew was that I was tired. Come to think of it, it may not have been the best decision to skip a meal right before a Monday but I wasn't thinking right around then. It didn't really matter as much as it could have, because now was about the time I started having dreams again.

Oh, yeah. In case you were wondering; with all the crazy shit that was happening in my life, and all the time I was spending with Ben nowadays, you'd think I'd have some solid dream material for my brain to work with at night. But either I never was getting enough sleep, or I simply just didn't dream, because I could never remember anything when I woke up for a solid two months. Now that I felt this strange sense of emptiness and horrible satisfaction with what I had just found out, I was starting to dream again, and probably more than usual. I would always be looking up at some sea-green crescent moon, or would feel like some cold blanket was enveloping me as I could breathe less and less. Always something like that. And I never told anybody except people who wouldn't care; you know, like when you're making small talk with someone you barely know and start saying crap like "I had the funniest dream last night..."