Loved By Levi

Fourteen

Levi

I tugged at the collar of the light blue dress shirt I wore, wondering if I should go for a more casual look and unbutton it. For one, the fabric that rubbed against my throat was driving me crazy, and two, I didn't know exactly what I was in for.

Warm spring sunshine touched my face as I shut off my car, effectively silencing the rock music I'd been playing to psych myself up, and took a step on the parking lot's cracked pavement. It wasn't quite warm enough for the rubbery stuff filling those cracks to squish around beneath my shoes, but it was definitely a beautiful day.

Damn, that dress shirt was hot.

The Marine Corps recruiting office in front of me was the same one that had given me the actual motivation to get my ass in gear and make something of myself. Now, the large windows looking out at the lot where I stood seemed to taunt me instead of giving me a glimpse into my future.

A couple days after my talk with Matt (that he has no recollection of to this day, thank god) I was driving through town, going out of my way to pick up some decent windshield wipers when a sign caught my eye. It wasn't one of those big red or yellow signs with blinking lights that's meant to grab your attention. This one stood out even with its bland color scheme of blacks, whites, browns, and greys with some orange and yellow thrown in the mix. United States Marine Corps was stamped in big, bold letters on the wide of a boxy white van. Under the words were pictures of men and women in camouflage uniforms staring off into the distance. Explosions flared up behind them and they each clutched a rifle or some other form of weaponry. Every one of them had the toned, well-muscled body of an athlete and looked prepared to do whatever it took to protect their country. It was a picture of pure badassery and I wanted it.

The van was parked outside of the same office I now sat in front of. I could have gone in and signed my life away that very minute the vehicle caught my eye. There were times I wished I had. Instead, I let my body insecurities get the best of me and drove off, totally forgetting about windshield wipers. Within twenty minutes I had signed up for a gym membership and made a vow to become a United States Marine as soon as my body was ready. That was one of best days of my life, and hopefully one I'll never forget.

I glanced around at the nearly empty lot, hoping to spot the van that had drawn me here in the first place. It was nowhere to be seen.

The confidence I'd been feeling when I hopped out of bed and went for a run that morning deflated a little. Now that I was actually here and things were beginning to get real, I wasn't sure if I was making the right decision. Part of that had to do with how utterly alone I felt, and part of it was definitely the pair of soft brown eyes that had a knack for staring into my soul from the other side of a restaurant booth.

The same brown eyes I'd been thinking about, or rather trying not to think about since our late night McDonald's date just days ago. The ones that probably thought I was a real ass for never replying to the random two a.m. text that didn't make any sense. You're a thief.

In the still-tipsy hours after she took off in a cab and I stumbled home it had been random. Now, sober days later, the text seemed totally weird. I had to answer her at some point and I knew that, but last night's conversation with Matt wouldn't let me even think about coming up with a decent reply.

"Dude, when are you gonna go talk to that damn recruiter? You're in the best shape of your life and the semester is almost over. If I was you I'd get my ass in gear."

There was no doubt in my mind that Matt was a drunk, lazy stoner, but he still had the ability to hit me where it counted. I knew he was right.

I'd been working out and running endlessly for months now. My body looked good and I could run for miles without getting tired. My body was ready but I didn't know if I really was.

Now, I sat in front of that office in an irritating baby blue dress shirt wondering if this was what I really wanted to do. All it would take for me to move on from all the things that had been holding me back-student debt, low self esteem, etc...--were a the few steps from my car into that building where a man in a man in well-fitting khaki shirt and blue slacks with a red stripe down the side was shuffling papers at his desk. I knew he could see me standing outside like an idiot but I also didn't care too much. I knew this wasn't a decision I could (or should) make at the drop of a hat. It had taken all the courage I possessed to dress up and drive over. Now that I was there, most of that courage had evaporated into the warm air surrounding me.

I sucked in a breath and pulled open the heavy glass door leading into the building. Mylee or no Mylee, I knew I had to do this.