Almost V

스물둘

I don't really know how long it takes for people to start feeling normal again after someone dies. But I think I expected Taehyung to bounce back faster because he's confident. I have to remind myself that he's already emotionally scarred, and that some of his cockiness is just for show. So when I see him sinking into what I fear is depression after Yoongi's funeral, I wonder if I should say or do something to help him. I just don't know what, exactly.

He tells me he'll be okay, that he just needs time to get over it. When I ask if he wants to grab something to eat after work, he says he might be too tired. He does look tired. He apologizes a lot. That doesn't seem like him - at all, honestly.

Appa tells me not to push him too hard. I'm not exactly a pushy kind of person. But after what seems like an endless stretch of Taehyung's melancholy, I'm starting to wonder if I need to start nudging. But Anna echoes appa's advice, telling me to give Taehyung some space. And what's even weirder is that for once, I'm the one who doesn't want to be alone. I guess Anna can sense this or something, because she's been asking me to hang out a lot. Our prework breakfast dates at IHOP are now becoming a routine. A definite bright spot of my day. It's helped to get my mind off Yoongi - and stopped me from worrying so much about Taehyung. Sort of. It doesn't soothe the funny ache in my heart when I think about him dealing with all of this on his own. I wish he'd let me help. I wish he'd talk to me. At this point, I'd give my right pinky toe for one of our good, old-fashioned arguments. Can you miss someone you see almost every day?

A couple of weeks after Yoongi's funeral, at 6:45 a.m., I'm awakened by a series of buzzes. It's my phone. Who's texting me this early? My first reaction is panic, because, let's face it, life has been a shitty lately.

Taehyung: Wake up.

Taehyung: Waaaakkkkkeee uuuuppp.

Taehyung: How late do you sleep, anyway? You need an alarm clock. (I'd like be to that alarm clock, actually.) (God, please don't let your dad pick up your phone.)

Taehyung: Come on, sleepy head. If you don't wake up soon, I'm leaving without you.

I type a quick reply: What's going on?

Taehyung: Good surfing, that's what.

Me: You mean, surfing for you?

Taehyung: That was the idea. So, are you coming to watch me surf?

Me: Try and stop me.

I'm so excited. I throw off the covers and jump out of bed. Okay, so maybe this isn't a romantic invitation, because a few more texts tell me where I'll be meeting his family, but I don't care. I'm just relieved that he sounds cheerful. My only problem is Anna, my breakfast date this morning. She's already up, and when I texted her to ask for a rain check, she asks if she can tag along. When I don't answer right away, two more texts follow -

Anna: Pretty please?

Anna: I really a chin-up.

Me: ??

Anna: A chat. Girl talk. Yeah?

Normally, I'd say sure, but I haven't spent time with Taehyung since the drama marathon after the funeral. What if he doesn't want a big audience? I consider the best way to handle it as I get dressed, but my mind keeps wandering to Taehyung.

When I head out, the fog hasn't cleared. The place I'm meeting the Kims is a spot a couple miles north, just up the beach from Secret Garden. It's pretty out here. And though it's not crowded like the beach at the boardwalk, I'm surprised to see anyone at all this early in the morning. Apparently, it's a popular surf spot, because a dozen other vans are parked along and several other onlookers gather, including a couple of people walking along the beach with their dogs as the waves roll and crash.