Appetizers: BxB, GxB, GxG *Slow*

4. Love with Horrors

BxB Enjoy!

Black. That's all I can see. Black dresses, black dress shirts, black shoes, black hats, and black slacks. The walls are white with pictures of beaches and sunsets framed and hung up around the room. The carpet is a maroon color with some weird red violet mixed in; no discernable pattern and it's definitely two generations out of date. His coffin sits in front of me just a few feet away and it's white with gold trim. (The one thing his parents wouldn't pay for.)

I know that it's normal and expected of me to step to the coffin and look at him. But I don't want to. He won't be the same. He won't have his eyes open, or that ever present crooked smirk on his face. He won't be splayed out like he would be if he were asleep. No, he'll be wearing a suit (which he would never wear if he were alive) in the dreadful color of black, laying on his back, with a bouquet of unnaturally black roses and lilies. The black themed funeral is something I know he wouldn't approve of. If he could see this he'd be screaming in anger at his parents for not obeying his wishes. He would probably also yell at me for not stepping up and taking charge.

Raven hated the color black with a passion. He described it as, "A dull, boring, pitiful, horrendously depressing and negative color." His parents on the other hand are obsessed with the color. They think the color fits any occasion. We almost had a black and grey color themed wedding because of them. Fortunately my parents are more blunt and straightforward and considerate, and they managed to make his lovely parents back off.

Raven's hatred for the color he was named for is one of the reasons we hit it off when we first met. It was at a birthday party for a mutual friend. We had never met each other before because Matt, the mutual friend, didn't think we would get along. Which is understandable. I'm never one to be honest if I think lying is a better option, and not for me but for the other person. Don't ask me why I'm like that because I don't know why. But Raven hated liars, hated them almost as much as he hated black. Almost.

Anyways, at the birthday party I was wondering around Matt's house trying to ignore the ghost puppy that was following me. He was barking at me, more like yelping cutely, for attention and I refused to do so because then I might have to explain why I was petting air. So, as I was walking around I eventually found an empty room, Matt's bedroom, and went in. When I sat on the mattress the puppy jumped up and laid on my lap whining and shoving his nose in my stomach. It was so cute that I just had to pet the dog and as I was, the door opened revealing the very bright Raven.

I don't mean that he seemed really happy or he was smiling big. I mean he was wearing a bright red T-shirt with white cargo shorts and red converse with red glitter. His blonde hair was spiked with hair gel and he was wearing big red nerd-like glasses without lenses. He looked annoyed but his annoyance morphed into curiosity when he saw me petting air. Somehow we got talking and when we got to our likes and dislikes he immediately said he hated black. My response was that I didn't like the color and avoided it for my own reasons.

That eventually led to him inputting his number into my cell and prancing off with a grin on his face. That's the Raven I know and miss. That's the Raven I know I won't see if I look in his coffin.

"Derek, darling, I'm so sorry." Henrietta's voice pulls me from my thoughts and I look from his white coffin to see her sitting on the floor beside my chair. She has her legs in front of her and she's leaning back on her palms. Her gaze isn't on me but instead it's on the white box. She doesn't spew all that crap about how horrible it is or how much she loved him too. No, instead she decides to be Henrietta and not aggravate me.

"Do you think he'll stay or move on?"

"He wanted to stay but I wanted him to move on. Knowing him, he'll probably stay until he knows I'm not going to follow him." My voice doesn't sound like my own at all, dry and emotionally detached. Just talking about him brings tears to my eyes but I fight them back. Henrietta nods and stays silent for a moment. If Raven follows through with his promise, which is most likely going to happen because Raven has yet to break any promises he's made to me, I'll see him when I get home.

"You won't follow him. Right?" Henrietta finally looks up at me and I just shake my head, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. She manages a smile and looks back to the coffin. Henrietta was one of the few people who both Raven and I enjoy(ed) spending time with. She's only twenty three but owns her own store and is very mature. She's a beautiful woman: long chocolate hair that she almost always has held back with a headband, mocha colored skin, big brown eyes, an easy smile, and not a twig.

I stare at her to keep from looking at the upsetting amount of black in the room. Henrietta and I are the only ones not wearing black. I'm wearing a white button down with cream colored shorts and my red flip flops. Henrietta on the other hand is wearing a neon pink headband, a red tank top underneath a see through bright pink shirt, a pair of red shorts, and white combat boots.

"Do you want me to take you somewhere?" Etta looks back up at me and I nod. She nods and pushes herself to her feet and extends her hand. I put my own in hers and pet her drag me out of the funeral home. Some people look at us weirdly but I don't care. When we get outside the air isn't stuffy like it was in the building and I take a deep breath. It smells like it's going to rain. I hope it does. Raven loved the rain. He thought it was soothing and insisted on being outside almost every single time it did rain.

"Are you upset he doesn't have a heartbeat?" She asks the question once we've been driving around for a while in her car. This is the reason she doesn't aggravate me. She understands that Raven isn't dead, his soul is still alive just not in his body. She understands that to me, Raven will always be alive and around and here. He'll never be gone. Yes it is upsetting to think that he'll never have a proper conversation with anyone here on Earth, besides me, or that he won't get to drink coffee in the mornings anymore. But he's still here, just not in a way everyone can see or understand.

"Yeah." Etta glances at me and smiles sadly. "I mean, R- he won't be able to..." I swallow as my voice breaks and tears form again. "To do the same things anymore. A-and his touch won't feel the same..." I want to continue, to let out what I'm feeling and maybe get some comfort. But the lump is too big for words to get past unless I let the tears fall. That's the one thing I want to wait to do until Etta isn't driving. So I can feel warmth wrapped around me as cry and maybe even have the thought that I'm not alone.

Henrietta grabs my hand and squeezes as she pulls into the driveway of our home. Or, is it mine now that Raven's no longer human? I force myself out of the vehicle and follow Etta as she walks up to the front door. She walks right in to my pleasure, because if she hadn't then that would mean something changed to make her not feel welcome. Once I close the door behind me Henrietta hugs me close to her chest and her warmth seeps into my chilled body.

"Derek, darling, it won't be okay. I promise. But it will be tolerable and then get better. Maybe things will be okay but that will take time. And lots of it." Her blunt words don't hurt or sting. Nope, they give me hope and they make it impossible to keep the tears back. She's right. It won't be okay, at least not now or right away. "I'll be here with you, you won't be alone through this."

The tears fall faster and a sob rips from my throat and my whole body shakes. She tightens her embrace and that's when I hear it. When I hear the one voice that will always remind me of melted chocolate. The one voice that will never reach anyone else's ears. The one voice that I was hoping not to hear again until I myself have died. Raven's voice.

"I love you."