The Green Rising

Chapter Thirty-six

I stepped inside the cottage and breathed a sigh of relief that my time here was limited. Caleb and Jessa’s voices filtered up the stairs. To my left, Mom was seated on one of the kitchen table’s wooden chairs. She held both Noah and Rosie on her lap, and I knew she had to be uncomfortable. But I also knew the couch stained with my father’s blood was the last place she wanted to be.

“Rosie, sweetheart, can you go downstairs and help Jessa and Caleb gather our belongings?” I whispered. When she left the room, I let out a sigh that was echoed by my mother. “We need to have a talk.”

She didn’t respond, other than to hand Noah to me after he stirred in her arms. I sat in the chair, and once the baby was nursing, I started to speak again, my voice dry and sputtering. “I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to forgive me for what I’ve done to you, but I’m sorry--so very sorry. I love you,” she looked at me upon hearing the words, “and you didn’t deserve losing two daughters fifteen years ago. I also forgive you for turning me in to the Order. If the situation were reversed, I would have done the same thing.”

“I’m not ready to forgive you, Lily, maybe someday, but not now. You lied to us and denied us our grandchildren.” She rested her forehead on her hands as she began to cry.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me anytime soon, but I need for you to know that I’ve forgiven you and I’m willing to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, but I need to know where you stand.” I paused, searching for the right words. “Are you coming with us, or will you be staying to join the Greenies?”

She bristled at my question, but remained silent.

“Mom, I’m not going to beg for you to come with us, but we will be leaving in half an hour. We won’t be coming back here.” I tried to keep frustration out of my voice.

“What do you honestly want me to do, Lily?” she asked heatedly.

“I’d rather you come with us than stay here or go into hiding by yourself. But by the same token, I can’t have doubts that you might sell us out in the future.”

Sinking into the chair, she visibly deflated. I took a deep breath and caressed Noah’s cheek.

“Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer,” she muttered, her gaze seeming to penetrate the floor.

“Not at all. If I viewed you as my enemy, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. You’d either be dead or my prisoner.” My voice trailed off as I let her weigh her options.

Eye contact again. “So the choice comes down to having my heart broken every day or dying?”

Where did she come up with these things? I inhaled deeply to stifle the urge to scream at her. When my composure was collected, I said, “If seeing us is causing your heart to break, we should go separate ways.”  

I wanted to tell her that she wouldn’t be subjected to my presence for more than the next few minutes, but kept quiet in the hopes she’d reveal her intentions. I didn’t want to sway her one way or the other, and I couldn’t allow her to spoil my plans.

“I’ll stay with you, but give me time,” she said, barely above a whisper.

“You can have all the time you need once we get out of here, but right now we need to hurry.” I stood up gingerly to avoid disturbing Noah while he nursed. “Can you help load the van? I need to talk with Jessa.”

Mom nodded, rose from her seat, and headed downstairs. I walked to the door of the basement and called for Jessa to join me. A few seconds later, she was standing in front of me, winded and with beads of sweat collecting on her brows.