The Green Rising

Chapter Forty-one

Tick tock, tick tock. The sound echoed through the office as I pondered the situation. My husband or my children? Trying to gain clarity, I cupped my ears and closed my eyes.

Really, the decision should have been a no-brainer. The Luc I married was willing to die for his country. For his children, he’d walk to hell and back if it meant keeping them safe. But his being willing to die didn’t make sacrificing him any easier. And his death wouldn’t guarantee their safety. It only bought them time.

He’d been furious with me in the weeks leading up to his leaving us at the cottage. It was entirely possible that Luc had betrayed us, but why would he have asked Edgar to check up on us while he was gone if our lives didn’t matter to him? The more I thought about it, the stronger I believed that his brush-off of me had been part of maintaining a façade. So many times he’d been able to stay in character when it came to his work, whether it was while being throttled by his daughters during the pinning ceremony or playing the hard case in giving orders to his soldiers on the battlefront.

He might have been able to condemn me in the days following the massacre, but his children? No, definitely not. Deep down, I didn’t think he’d be able to kill me either, regardless of how angry he was with me.

I bit my lip thinking how, more than likely, he’d probably been within striking distance of Abi before my arrival. And because I’d shown up, now he lay somewhere on a gurney, undoubtedly dying as I sat deliberating his future and my next step.

I should have listened to him. He’d wanted us to survive, had almost ordered it, yet Maggie was gone and Rosy, Noah, and Jessa were anything but safe. I’d disappointed all of us and it was too late to turn back now.

I cradled my forehead in my hands, trying to discover a way to save his life without giving up the journal and the whereabouts of our kids, but I came up empty. I’d played my cards. With a single bullet, Abi had called my bluff and upped the ante until the last strings of control broke away and wrapped themselves around my neck, choking off logic and emotion.

How could I keep all of them alive?

“Do you realize that delaying your decision much longer will result in Luc dying? Time is of the essence.” Abi resumed spinning the gun on her desk.

“If he dies, it will be the result of your shooting him. I didn’t pull the trigger, Abi.” She recoiled at my assertion, so I continued, “All these months, I thought you were after my husband, trying your hardest to lure him away from us. In fact, I would’ve bet all the money in the world that you wanted him, still would bet it. And yet you’d kill him for the journal? What I don’t understand is its significance. Why all the fuss for that green piece of crap?”

“That’s above your pay grade,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Possession used to be nine-tenths of the law, and considering that I am in possession of it, you can shove your pay grade levels up your---.”

She interrupted my expletive with a slam of her hands onto the desk, but otherwise maintained her silence. I could almost see her wheels turning as she weighed her options, so I eased up, taking the time to look around the room.

Behind Abi, books filled every shelf from floor to ceiling. I squinted, trying to eye their titles. One shelf housed various religious books. An ink pen rested in front of the Holy Bible and the Koran.  Other shelves were devoted to war manuals and philosophy. I seized on the four shelves with books on political organization and sociology.

A shudder crept up my spine as I recalled the last time I’d seen so many sociology books in one place, many the same titles we read in Jack’s class. Of course, this wasn’t his office. Jack was long dead and the desk was far too clean. It was surely a coincidence. But the chill lingered and I forced myself back to the task at hand.