Hui
It has been so long, way too long... I haven't seen him in years. Does he even want to see me? I'm scared. If he ignores me, will I even be able to handle it... What was I even thinking coming here?
When Detective Yang told me Shinwonnie reads my letters, I just couldn't move. I froze then and there and I started feeling happy inside. "He's reading them", "He isn't throwing them out", "He's keeping them"... all these thoughts gave me hope... something that I couldn't afford but held onto anyway. I couldn't help but keep listening to what he had to say. And finally, I felt a sense of relief. I finally knew that, the person I saw at the hospital... it was really him. I felt guilt over how Shinwon felt about everything but still, I couldn't help but feel happy about how he still cared.
I'm too cruel.
I think I do everything to protect him but every time I get close, things go out of hand. But... like the detective said... perhaps, the actual reason is the complete opposite. He wasn't wrong since it all started the day I ran away from home. But, what good is it to think about the past anymore. I never could let go of Shinwon's hand. The moment he started to call me "hyung" with that smile on his face... ever since that day, I have been holding onto that. When he said "Hwitaekshi" back at the hospital, I felt lost. I don't want to hear him call me that again.
But I fear the worst.
All these years of wait, pain and hope... will it even be worth it all. Who am I kidding here... I just want to see him. Seven years is a long time- I wonder what he looks like now. Seeing him is enough isn't it, enough to make up for all that had happened to me. Even if he decides not to talk with me ever again... it's fine... I just have to keep calm when he comes here.
I'll be fine.
Shinwon
I really didn't do much this morning... Ah. I'll just go and work over the reports once I've done this. I've been slow again recently and this headache refuses to go. I wonder why Hongseok hyung suddenly wanted to meet in the parking lot. I can't really find a reason for him to call me here since he always waits at the entrance. I think I heard Jinho hyung right when he told me where to go. "Go to the parking lot to pick up some files from Hongseok. I'm a bit busy so if it's not much trouble" is what he said. Anyhow, as soon as I get the files I have to hurry. The work keeps piling up recently... I shouldn't procrastinate as much as I'm doing these days. Jinho hyung is super busy himself, I cannot add extra work. Ah the elevator is taking so much time.
I'll call Hongseok hyung in the meantime to ask where he is.
"Ah hyung, where inside the parking lot are you?... 1C? Ah okay I'll be there soon... okay". He's close to the elevato- ah it's here. The date... it is hyung's birthday tomorrow. Is there any use thinking about this right now... I'm at work, I have to stop this. I can't do this to myself every day. First floor, it's here... I need to find Hongseok hyung now, he shouldn't be far. 1C... 1C... ah there it is.
Ah there his is, "Hongseok hyung!" He's still inside his car-... w-wait...
Hongseok
"Ah he's here. Let's get out... Hwitaekshi?"
Hui
It's Shinwonnie... it's really him... waah... he hasn't changed at all. H-how is that even possible? Ah, he looks well. He's grown thinner though. It's visible.
Hongseok
Ah he's... Maybe if I push him a little... "Hwitaekshi... Hwitaekshi, we need to get out of the car"
Hui
"Ah..." Okay breathe... just breathe. No matter what happens here, everything will be okay. Breathe.
Shinwon
This isn't happening... I'm seeing things right? What is this... why is hyung... Hyung is here. What is even going on? I shouldn't be here right now. Hyung doesn't... why would he come here, just why. After all this time, why does he want to make the mistake of meeting me again... I can't hurt him like before... I can't do this.
Hongseok
"Oi Shinwon don't go- SHINWON WAIT! Hwitaekshi go after him already!"
Hui
But... should I... he doesn't... he-
Hongseok
"RUN AFTER HIM FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE WOULD YOU"
Hui
He's right. I can't let it end like this. For all these years, he has tried to keep up his pace with me. No matter the consequences, he kept running after me like an idiot. What have I ever done for him except for push him away? Nothing. That back I see in front of me... I should've never let it go in the first place.
"Shinwonna stop!"
Shinwon
"No... Just why, why again... You've had enough s**t to deal with because of me... Why again... Why would you do this to yourself agai-"
Hui
"I'm sorry... Hyung is sorry... Hyung is sorry..." I can feel him shaking. How long has it been since I've hugged him... I can't even remember. "Hyung is sorry... for leaving you like that back then, for saying you are the reason for my f**ked up attitude, for... for everything. Hyung never hated you okay? Remember what I'm saying right now. I have never hated you and I never will. I'm sorry for all of it. Hyung is sorry... hyung is sorry" That's all I could keep saying. My eyes are blurring out and my voice is shaking too much but... I can feel he is the same.
Shinwon
How long has it been... this, this feeling... I forgot how happy I would get when he praised me or was kind to me. He doesn't hate me... even after all that I did wrong, I should apologize but I cannot speak. My voice is choked, my eyes feel warm but I'm happy. I haven't been this happy in such a long time.
After more than ten years... hyung... hyung is finally... home.
[Thank you for reading! Kindly continue to the epilogue 'When Tomorrow Comes']
YOU ARE READING
A Day Without You
General Fiction"I'll keep waiting... I'll keep searching... so that someday, I won't have to live in a day without you."
