A Day Without You

The Pain In Coincidences

I feel nothing... I can't get a hold of myself. I shouldn't be acting like this but my whole body feels numb as well as my mind.

It's finally... the end.

I met hyung again... after so many years, I finally found him. But I had no credit in doing so. I felt so small in the real world. I was a student, a nobody, so I was never able to find out information from the right places. No one took me seriously and it was frustrating me endlessly. O thought that would change after I got a job but that wasn't enough either. I was still the same 'nobody' to everyone. I hoped someone within the company would be able to help, but even that didn't work out. But... at least someone finally listened to me and tried to do something. Jinho sunbae has always been quite welcoming of me. We worked well together and we got along more often than not. I knew I shouldn't have bothered him with my personal worries but, I couldn't help it. I finally ended up asking him, "Sunbae, is it possible for us to try and find someone?"... I felt desperate at that moment. I was still new there and this wasn't professional at all, but that didn't click in my mind back then. Somehow, sunbae listened to what I had to say and I was ecstatic on the inside when he said he'd try to do his best. That was the most positive reply I had gotten till date. I told him every little detail I remembered about Hui hyung and somehow... I felt disappointed while doing so.

I knew way too little.

Once I started to say it out loud, I realized that I didn't know even the few basic things about his life. I was feeling guilty all over again. "If only I would've asked"... that's what kept going through my mind as I kept speaking and stopping in the middle to try and think harder. But... none of it was of any use in the end. When I saw Detective Yang afterwards near our office, I was somehow hopeful, that maybe... just maybe, something was found out about him. I was practically deceiving myself. Sunbae finally gave me the news that nothing could be found on him at that moment. I expected it somehow but still, the disappointment in my heart was too obvious for me to ignore. It felt like a miracle when I finally saw him again. I was out on work with sunbae and when we were trying to find a place to eat at, I bumped into someone. I immediately started to apologise, but as I was about to bow down my head... his face caught my attention. I just kept staring at it like I had seen a ghost. Well, it was no different than that. I forgot how to blink and I was barely breathing. He still looked the same - those burning eyes, those bruises... it was all still there. I could see how he looked at me at that moment. He was as shocked as I was but his expression confirmed one more thing for me...

"He remembers me..."

I remember how how happy I felt inside. The moment I called out to him saying "Hyung", I could see him react to my voice. He remembered me all too well. That was more than enough for me. But before I could say anything, he started to walk away and speeding up later on, vanishing from my view. I had waited too long to have this moment and I wasn't ready to accept such an outcome. I still had my equipment on me so I hurried to Jinho sunbae first and then made a run for it after leaving the things with him. The moment I reached the alley way I saw hyung go into, I could see him surrounded by 5 men or... maybe more than that. I barely remember all of this to begin with... my head is aching just thinking about all of this again but, I can't help but go over this again and again. Anyhow, I couldn't have just stood there and done nothing... like I always used to.  I ran into it without a second thought and that didn't end well for me. I had no experience in fighting prior to the incident, so it's safe to say that I wasn't ready to take on so many people at once. Everything after that is a blur. I just remember the pain, how my body was growing more numb by the second. I could hear sunbae's voice afterwards but it felt like it was coming from far away. I almost lost every sensation in my body and my eyes were closing up, but I could barely make out how they kept going after Hui hyung over and over again.

And the last thing I remember seeing, is a guy's feet coming towards me slowly.

I could only feel after that. My eyes weren't opening up. I was being held up on my feet and it was the same pain all over again. And then it all went black. I heard one of them had hit me with a plank or something like that on the back. That took me out completely. When I opened my eyes, I saw the white ceiling. I could hear faint noises in the distance but my eyes were stuck in the same place for quite a while. I couldn't move at all and I had no strength to even try. My eyes were barely open and I could feel myself breathing into the oxygen mask. I was only able to move my fingers at that moment but even that felt like being stung by needles. Before I could even realize what was going on, my eyes gave out. The next time however, things seemed clearer. My eyes were fully open this time and the sounds sounded louder than before. It was night the second time I woke up. The first thing I saw was the darkness outside the window in my room. The mask wasn't there anymore and I could finally move my head a bit. Although my body still felt as heavy and stiff as before, I was happy with what I had at that moment. As I looked away from the window to look in the opposite direction, the sight in front of me made me wonder whether I was dreaming or not.

Hyung was there, his head resting on the bed I was on.

It was the last thing I expected to see. I couldn't help but look at him for a few seconds to actually make sure it was him. "He's here... He's really here", I thought to myself over and over again. He was finally within my reach again. Then I realized two other figures sitting behind hyung - Jinho sunbae and Detective Yang. Sunbae was sleeping and I could barely see his face under the dim lighting but I could clearly see Detective Yang still awake, doing something on his phone. He was too far away for me to get his attention, so I tried to get hyung's. My hand ached even then when I tried to move it, but I knew I had to let them know that I woke up. My voice refused to come out so that was the only option left. I tried to push hyung's hand with all the strength I could give at the moment, which wasn't adding up to much. But I could see hyung finally flinch a bit and... I saw his eyes open up. They were barely open when he lifted his head up but his expression changed the moment he saw me. "Shinwonaa... Shinw-- you're awake...", he said in a shaky voice. I could see he was in a bad shape, his face covered with bandages and stitches. That's when it started to come back to me and I wondered for a while... how I looked. I could see Detective Yang sit up straight and then waking up sunbae. I could see the worry on each and everyone's face. Detective Yang went out of the room soon after saying, "I'll go and call the doctor myself, it'll be faster". I finally got to see sunbae as well and he looked no better than Hui hyung. I felt my heart clinching a bit when I saw the two of them standing there - one was the person I couldn't protect and the other was the person who is in this position because of me.

My head started aching almost immediately, making it impossible for me to keep my eyes open. It wasn't a good thing to me back then but now... I wish they would've stayed closed, just a little longer.