The Lies Behind That Smile

Chapter Twenty

Nikki stared into the mirror. She'd been there for at least five minutes already but she couldn't bring herself to move away. It was the first time in years she'd really looked at herself and it was bizarre.

The last time she'd caught a glimpse of her face she'd had the scars of her near tragic run in with the Hunter but now her skin glowed. Not a mark or blemish ruined the perfection of its alabaster sheen. And her eyes! In the light from the vanity station she could see a hazel tint, one that had never been there before. At a guess she put it down to Sam's blood but no matter how it had gotten there, she was just thrilled that she had some colour at last. Her whole life she'd had colourless grey eyes and she'd hated them. She could never make them pop with makeup like her friends did and no one had ever looked in to them and commented on their beauty. But why would they? Gray eyes were not beautiful, they were grey, like rain clouds - uninspiring.

Lowering her gaze she took in her body. Again her flesh was a perfect shade of cream without a single mole or marking. It reminded her of a porcelain doll and she smiled. Finally she didn't have to hide herself or her frightening disfigurement. Her skin was beautiful.

But she was far from perfect. The curves she'd once battled to keep under control had vanished and in their place her bones jutted out. Her rib cage tormented her, slicking out where her skin pulled a little too tightly. Moving back to her face she eyed her cheekbones. They were high and prominent but not enviably so. She looked gaunt and emaciated. Sighing, she shook out her freshly washed hair, watching as it fell around her waist. It had been long before she'd changed into a demon but now it was ridiculous. It was something she'd hardly noticed before. Instead of dealing with it she'd fasten it up, away from her face whilst she hunted and in the cooler weather she'd let it hang around her shoulders and arms, locking in an extra layer of warmth. She was no longer about beauty; she was a skilled hunter and survivor.

Her eyes fell shut and she lost herself in the scent of cleanliness. It had been so long since she had bathed and the smell of shower gel and shampoo was unimaginably divine.

Her lungs filled with the sweet lingering aroma as she enjoyed a little piece of tranquillity. She was so absorbed in the luxury of her surroundings that she didn't hear the door open.

"Oh, shit, I--"

Spinning around she found herself face to face with Josh. Blushing furiously she stretched forward, attempting to snag a towel from the sink, but Josh beat her to it. Snatching it away he shook his head and slammed the door shut. Without taking his eyes off her he turned the lock sealing them in.

"Damnit Nikki, it's been so long. " His breathing and voice hitched. "I ... " Dragging his gaze up to hers he chewed on his bottom lip for a beat before finding his voice. "If you want me to go I'll leave but," his chest heaved as he gruffly forced out the words. "I ... "

He paused just out of arms reach, rooted to the spot, his jaw muscles clenching. There had been so many reasons to keep them apart in the past however they'd still found one another. And yet now, she couldn't think of any reasonable grounds to say no, but the thought of being so close, so intimate with him ... She shook her head and lowered her gaze. Shame heated her face as she grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her frame. She wanted him, she wanted all of him but things between them had changed.

"Josh I--"

"No, it's okay, I understand."

It was obvious he didn't though, she could see in the way he held himself and the way he couldn't meet her eyes. He felt spurned and her rejection was throwing up a multitude of doubts in his mind. Stepping towards him, Nikki cupped his face with her clean hands.

"Josh, I love you. Do you hear me?" She gently tipped his face down and kissed him chastely. "I love you. You are everything to me and I want you, I mean, I really, really want you." As she spoke, her desire grew stronger and looking deep into his soul, her fears seemed to drift away into oblivion.