My Girls (gxg)

CH.6

Cary POV

I left Jamie sitting on my bed and grabbed a change of clothes, I figured, I couldn’t really be bothered going to the main bathroom, so why not brave my own? I dropped the clothes on the toilet lid, and faced the shower. I inspected every inch of it; it was simple, small, and simple. Three tiled walls, the remaining, the door, was a messed up glass that you couldn’t see through.  I sucked in a deep breath and tried to stop the anxiety of facing another panic attack from becoming overwhelming.

“Okay Cary, it’s just a shower. You don’t even have to be in there for long.” I shook my head and pulled my top over my head, dropping it by my feet on the cold floor. The hair on my arms rose at the sudden feeling of cool air on my back; my pants were next and then my underwear. I opened the shower door and stepped into the small cubicle.

Fine so far.

I stood in a corner, and turned the spray of water on, waiting for it to warm up. As soon as the water was warm enough to step in, I turned the heat up further, and the cold down, wanting steaming hot water. Forgetting momentarily why I shouldn’t. My hair was frothed up with shampoo when it hit me. I could feel it rising in my chest, an urge to throw up. I bent forward, anticipating the disgusting taste but frowning when the feeling stayed, and intensified, but I never threw up. I knew what was happening, but the fear I felt of getting the attack simply made it worse, and made it arrive faster and harder.

I was bent over, gripping the white tiles as I tried to breathe, tried to force a full lung full of air into my lungs. I was hyperventilating, I knew it but no matter how much I tried to slow my breathing I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like no matter how hard I tried, there was no way I would be able to get enough air into my lungs.

My eyes began to burn, the walls I gripped were moving in, moving to meet me. I had to get out, the tears flew from my eyes, and I gasped for air, breathing faster and faster but getting nothing.  I had to get out. I fell to the floor, one hand still holding the wall, stopping it from squashing me, and grabbed my chest. My lungs were burning. I shakily stood up, wincing as the water turned cold and struggled to breathe. I slipped as I opened the shower door, and landed on the tiled floor with a sloppy bang. I cried out as my head hit the wall.

My breathing was becoming ragged and spots swam in my eyes. I felt like I was dying, but just as my vision began to blur and my sobs grew louder, my breaths more desperate the bathroom door opened and in my vision was Jamie.

 She wrapped her arms around me and pushed her face into my neck, muttering unheard things in my ear, trying to soothe me, to calm me down.

I hated having her see me like this. See me so vulnerable. I calmed down, my breathing slowed, and I stopped shaking. I regained enough control of myself to lift my arms up to hold onto Jamie. It didn’t seem to occur to either of us that the shower was still running, or that I was completely naked.