The Broken Danvers Sister

Chapter 5

Alex's P.O.V.

I wake up hearing Kara and Maggie's voices outside the bedroom door. I strain my ears, trying to listen in to their conversation.

"What are we going to do?" Maggie asks worriedly and I know without even seeing her that she's pacing. She does that when she's worried.

"Anything we can to help, but first, you're going to apologize," Kara responds, quieter than Maggie but I can still hear her.

"I know, I shouldn't have freaked out on her. She's already going through so much, I don't want to put her through more. It's just... I was- am- so worried and it hurts seeing her so broken. I wish I would've seen it sooner. I'm a detective, dammit!" Maggie says fiercely and I flinch at her words. I know they aren't meant to be hurtful but they make me feel so ashamed and guilty. My gaze flicks to the bathroom involuntarily and I sit up before I can even think my plan through.

If they find out, I'm screwed. But... I really need to.

Swinging my feet over the side of the bed, I stealthily move towards the bathroom. I hope while Kara's preoccupied she won't hear me. I make it to the bathroom and shut the door quietly. Flicking on the lights, my eyes scan the room. The blade isn't on the floor where I threw it so it might be in the trashcan. I peek into the bin hopefully and can't help but smirk to myself.

Kara is so innocent. All she did was throw my blade away. I roll my eyes then realize that she's only this all over the place when she's stressed or worried. The pit in my stomach instantly returns.

Trying not to dwell on this new information, I quickly retrieve the blade, knowing I don't have much time. In one swift movement, I've rolled up my sleeve and brought the blade to my skin.

***Trigger Warning***
(The next paragraph only)

I slash aggressively at my wrist and make over 15 cuts in a mere ten seconds. I move to my other wrist when my slashes are just going over new cuts and making them deeper and bleed more. I do the same on my other wrist until the same thing starts to happen. Blood starts dripping down my arm and pooling onto the counter.

I panic, knowing that any second Kara and Maggie could come in. I turn on the sink so only a small trickle of water comes out and I run my wrist under the water until the blood is mostly wiped away. Then, I apply pressure onto my wrists with toilet paper until they stop bleeding. I next wipe the blood off the counter.

Then, panic strikes me again. I have nowhere to hide the bloody toilet paper. Knowing there isn't many other places and I can't flush the toilet because then the girls will hear, I bury it in the middle of the rest of the garbage. I hope that if either of them find it, I can say it was from an earlier time.

I go to put my blade back in it's hiding place then hesitate. Kara will most definitely notice it's missing, so I place it back in the trashcan before hurrying out of the bathroom.

I curl up back onto the bed and I try to calm myself as much as possible but I know my heart rate spikes when the door opens only a few minutes later. Footsteps can be heard as someone, who I think is Maggie, steps into the bedroom.

"Babe? You awake?" She asks, confirming my suspicions.

"Yeah," I mumble into the blankets. I hear a soft laugh and more footsteps coming closer to me. The bed creaks as Maggie crawls onto it and the mattress dips as she lays down right next to me. I flip onto my other side and cuddle up next to her, burying my face in her neck.

"I kinda need to talk to you." Maggie laughs lightheartedly but I hear the underlying seriousness in her voice. I nod, tickling her neck with my nose and she squirms. She pulls away, making me groan, but Maggie looks at me seriously and I quit immediately.

"I am so sorry for the things I said earlier. I was being an idiot and I freaked out. I was so concerned, and you know how well I handle my feelings, so I had a meltdown. You didn't deserve any of the things I said to you," Maggie whispers apologetically. One look at her face breaks my heart and I quickly pull her into a hug. Once I release her, my expression becomes serious.

"Maggie, I need you to know that none of this is your fault. None of it, okay? It's nobody else's fault, besides my own. You didn't cause any of this and I need you to know that. Okay? Promise me you'll remember that?" I say, intensely gazing at her. Maggie returns my stare with a brave smile and strength in her eyes.

"I promise," Maggie says and I lean in to kiss her softly. Once I pull away, I sit up, ignoring the pain searing in my arms, and I call Kara in.

"I'm assuming the both of you want to talk to me?" I glance between the two and they nod. Maggie has joined me sitting up and Kara is, once again, sitting across from us.

"Yeah, but just let me use the bathroom real quick," Maggie excuses herself and my heart sinks as she walks into the bathroom. I don't let my nervousness show as Kara starts to talk to me about how this started and how they're going to help me through it. Mid sentence, Maggie comes out of the bathroom with a sad expression on her face and glistening eyes.

"Alex..." Maggie breathes out and I know immediately that she knows. "I need to see your wrists."