Repair me

5. Guilt me

I'm still not entirely sure on the details but somehow Grey ended up on my bed with his hands knitted into my air as we made out like the world was about to end.

I was straddling his waist, my forearms propping me up as I leaned down over him tilting my head to one side to keep my hair from falling in the way. I had no idea how long we'd been like this, it could've been hours or minutes but I knew that I didn't want it to end.

I didn't realise one of Greys hands had left my hair until I felt it against my hip pushing past the fabric of my t-shirt to curl around the bare skin of my waist underneath. My lips froze for a moment at his touch and in tune with me Grey hesitated ready to pull away. I swallowed my fear, the last person who'd touched my like that was Jackson and for a moment I could still feel the weight of his touch marking bruises onto my skin. Sometimes I think that was his way of leaving his mark, making him unforgettable. But I forced myself to press my lips back onto Grey's demandingly as I shoved the thoughts of Jackson from my mind. This was Grey, he'd never hurt me.

Taking my renewed passion as a signal Grey's hand began inching up my body pushing aside my t-shirt as he did so. Each second he paused giving me the chance to object, I wasn't going to. My arms wound themselves around his neck tying me to him.

"Knock, knock," a loud rap sounded on my bedroom door immediately making me throw my entire body away from Grey as if he were on fire. I fell back onto my bum at the end of my bed breathless from the kiss as I stared at the door in horror, "can I come in?"

Grey was already pulling himself up into a sitting position as I attempted to smooth my knotted hair and calm my hot cheeks. I tugged my t-shirt back into place and adjusted it on my body as I yelled back, "sure come on in."

I glanced around quickly to make sure there was nothing that would give us away but I was sure he'd instantly be able to tell by our guilty expressions. Nico sauntered into the room jovially and I could only stare and the floor praying my face wouldn't give us away.

"See," Nico waved at the door, "I'm learning about the knocking," he noticed Grey on the bed with his hands planted firmly in his lap looking uncomfortable, "I see you two have made up."

I choked on air for a moment and coughed loudly as I tried to nod which I'm sure made it look even worse. With watering eyes I attempted to speak, "yeah, I think he learnt his lesson. Always knock from now on."

"I came into apologise," Grey stated as if to justify him being sat on my bed.

"Good," Nico nodded, "now Cara, am I going to whoop your ass at Mario Cart again or am I going to have to go easy on you?"

"Shut up," I snapped my competitive nature overtaking my guilt easily, "as if you have ever played a game where I haven't whooped your ass."

"Well this is the moment I win, I can feel it," Nico puffed his chest out.

"Not gunna happen Aguilar," I told him, "over my dead body do you win."

"Well you better start making funeral preparations," Nico warned seriously.

"Okay let's see if you mean it," I leapt off my bed eager to escape my room where the tension between Grey and I was too much to bare.

***

"Rematch!" Nico cried the instant I beat him in our best of five game, where I had won all five. We were sat in the common room and had gathered quite a crowd of onlookers. At first they'd been cheering me on but once they'd seen Nico losing helplessly game after game they'd all switched to supporting him. All the boys had been screaming advice at him, at one point Nico had even attempted to steal my remote. I was having none of it, there wasn't a bone in my body that accepted defeat.

"Nico," I studied him seriously, "if we have a rematch I'm only going to destroy you even more, why put yourself through it?"

There were hoots and low whistles that erupted from the onlookers making me smirk.

"You're too cocky for your own good," Nico waggled a finger at me. For all his losses his face radiated with delight.

"Works for me," I shrugged confidently.

Nico was shaking his head but I caught a glint in his eye that made my stomach explode into butterflies. I knew that look, I'd seen it in Grey's eyes only half an hour ago. Desire, longing. And it was as clear as day in Nico's chocolate brown eyes, and I liked it.

***

"Now that," Mina announced far too loudly when she saw me approaching her at recess, "is why we listen to Mina everybody!"

"Shhh," I hushed her, people were glancing our way.

"You look lovestruck," Mina diagnosed as I sunk into the seat opposite her, she rested her head down into her palms and stared up at me expectantly, "tell all."

I did as she instructed, rehashing the previous nights events of my argument with Grey then his apology before our make out session. Mina's eyes glazed over as I talked as if she was picturing it. When I finished I reached out and swatted her arm lightly.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"Stop looking like that," I pulled a face, "you're creeping me out."

"It's just so romantic," Mina sighed longingly, "the whole secrecy thing, it's kind of sexy don't you think?"

"No," my eyes widened at her, "it's kind of horrific. My insides are being shredded into a million pieces, the guilt is eating me inside out! I can't take it. I can barely look at any of them without hating myself. And the worse bit is that part of me doesn't want them to find out because I don't know if I want to be with Grey."

"What do you mean?" Minas bris crumpled.

"Yesterday Nico looked at me this certain way and suddenly I could picture myself kissing him, it was the weirdest thing. But that shouldn't happen right? If I like Grey I shouldn't be picturing kissing other guys let alone his best friend, my best friend?" I leaned in and whispered the last bit to her not wanting anyone to hear my embarrassing situation.

"No," Mina frowned, "I guess they had a point with the deal that you could date them all and see which one you liked best."

"Are you allowed to do that?"

Mina shrugged, "I guess. I didn't make up the dating rules. But if they all know and are okay with it then I guess it's fine. But you'll have to chose one in the end. You can't keep all four forever."

Why not? I wanted to ask but bit my tongue, instead I only nodded and peered down at the table in front of me while I thought. This was far more complicated than I'd feared.

I'd love to hear your feedback on this chapter as there were a lot of new developments. Where do you think all their relationships are going to go from here? Thanks so much for reading!

Alby
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