Confessions of a Muslim Girl

Chapter 39 - The Ride Downhill

Long time, no upload. Sorry! I have a life update under The Ash Chronicles if you're interested. This chapter starts with Maysa overhearing that Shazia has set Zak up.

"I can hear the clock ticking, and I wonder time is supposed to make your heart race with the panic at the thought of running out of it." -- Noha Ali, COAMG

Chapter 39

The Ride Downhill

☻ Noha Ali ☻

            Oh, God, this is not the time or place for Maysa to find out about how Shazia set up Zak. The look on her face…I feel like I did something wrong. Doing something wrong. But I’m not, and that makes it worse, that me doing what’s right still affects and influences others. I gave Shazia my word that I wouldn’t say anything to anyone about her involvement with this Zak issue. I did it because it was the right thing to do, but also because I saw her complexity broken down into a human being as conflicted and confused as the rest of us. And I have to appreciate her courage to be vulnerable and honest.

            After Shazia leaves, Maysa won’t look at me. “Where are the forks?” She asks bluntly.

            “Maysa…”

            “Noha, where are the forks?”

            “The cabinet next to the one that’s open.” She opens it and searches, but after a minute or two, she kind of just gives up and collapses on the floor, knees drawn to her chest. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so…open. So real about what she’s feeling, because she rarely lets it be fully known. Adam and she are alike that way. “Noha…”

            “Maysa.” I take a seat next to her on the floor. It feels like we’re ten again, sitting down here to eat the Oreos Adam specifically told me were for him and Zak after they finished playing soccer. “Look, I know you feel hurt and betrayed.” Might as well get that out.

            “That’s one way to put it,” she sniffles, dabbing at her eye to salvage her perfectly done winged eyeliner.

            “I know. But I can’t apologize for that because you know what I did was right. How was I supposed to tell you when it wasn’t in my place to? It’s un-Islamic to say the least.” God, do I hear myself talk sometimes? Clearly not, but it’s like I can’t help but bring some good reason into this conversation.

            “I know. It’s just shocking like how…how do you do that?”

            “Mays, I think when you love someone everything becomes harder because keeping logic intact is a struggle. She loves Rayyan and you have to understand that even though she didn’t say it, her cooperation with Aiden saved Rayyan from getting on his bad side. She cares about Zakariya, she really does. And maybe she wrongly trusted the fact that he was strong enough to take it even though he was. None of us realized the magnitude of the situation, Mays. Not me, not you, not Adam, and she didn’t either. And you can’t fault her on something we did as well.”

            She rests her head on my shoulder and I put an arm around her and continue talking. “All we can say is allhamdulillah it didn’t end tragically, okay? We’re all here and we’re all together. And you know what the icing on the cake is?”

            “What?”

            “Zakariya has been through hell and back and yet he still found forgiveness and goodness in his heart and he invited Shazia to take part in a very special day for him. He didn’t have to. Out of all of us he’s justified in being mad. But he isn’t. He understands the importance of letting things go and the beauty of a second chance. Every adversity should make you a better person, Mays, and Zakariya understands that better than all of us. I’m so proud he came out of it a better person and if that isn’t a victory, then I sure as hell don’t know what is.”