Acrophilia

XXIX: confirmation

     With shock comes denial. Jaebeom can't even deal with the whole situation, he doesn't know where to begin and how to approach it. When his thoughts tilt towards Jinyoung, he forces himself to think of something else. He focuses on his mother, his studies, his friends. It kind of backfires, though.

"Did you and Jinyoung fight?" Jackson asks one day when Jaebeom has practically dragged them to a bowling alley. He sucks at it, but he needs to do something not to think of Jinyoung.

His friends aren't helping, though.

"Why do you ask?" Jaebeom asks back, doing his best to control his expression and voice, but he can't trust himself so he hides it with the excuse of looking for a better ball.

"You're not talking about him sixty percent of the time, that's why," Jackson explains. "It's been like three days so something must've happened."

"I guess you can say we had a fallout. I don't wanna talk about it," he cuts the topic but doesn't miss the worried looks his friends exchange.

His mother also asks about Jinyoung, wondering if something happened and Jaebeom can't even bring himself to say what happened. His mother was once as Jinyoung is now, right? Thinking about that gives him headache and heartache.

Jaebeom considers getting himself tested because even if Jinyoung says he's real, Jaebeom might be imagining it all. If it's like that, at least there's a logical explanation and he'd have to start treatment, but he'd live with a broken heart the rest of his life, of that he's sure. However, if it's not true then that means the boy he started to fall for, having feelings he never did before for anyone else, is dying.

Jaebeom cannot go through waiting for someone else to wake up from a coma, not someone he so deeply cares about like Jinyoung. It's just too much for him.

Scared of the truth, Jaebeom goes to the hospital, not sure if to get an appointment or to find Jinyoung. Not even when he crosses the doors has he find out what really drove him there. He walks, towards the floor where his mother used to stay, to one of the nurses he's already familiar with. He recalls once asking about Jinyoung but even if he tries to remember he can't grasp what the nurse said.

"Jaebeom-ssi," one of the nurses calls when she sees him. "What are you doing here? Did something happen to your mother? You look miserable," she points out, showing her concern that actually touches Jaebeom.

"I'm going through a rough patch, but that's aside. I was wondering if you can help me with something."

What? He's still not sure.

"Anything. Tell me," she smiles kindly.

Jaebeom hesitates a few seconds, still not sure. He closes his eyes and tries to organise his thoughts but it's just so chaotic there's no light to guide him. Ultimately, he just lets the words leave his mouth, without filtering them.

"Could you tell me if there's certain patient in this hospital?" Jaebeom ends up asking, realising he prefers finding out if Jinyoung is real first.

"Sure. What's the name of the patient?"

"Park Jinyoung," Jaebeom answers. "He is in a coma, for quite a few months already. He is..." Jaebeom stops to think, wondering what's Jinyoung's real age.

As I am today, I'm twenty-three, Jinyoung said when Jaebeom asked long time ago, and now he realises that he meant that memory of his was twenty-three. What happens if Jinyoung is older than that? Way older?

"He... he should be early twenties," Jaebeom replies swallowing the lump in his throat. He needs to find out if Jinyoung actually exists before worrying about his age.