Guardian Angel (Editing)

Chapter Forty Five: Another Angel

                                      Chapter Forty Five: Another Angel 

            I open my eyes to the plain ceiling, I get up feeling weightless. I’m in my own room.  I took a good nap. My night gown flows behind me. I walk to the nursing room, my baby must be there. I hear James voice from the other side of the door.

“I don’t want to blame you; I don’t want to blame you.” James mumbles caressing Julius in his crib with the back of his hand.

“James what’s wrong?” I ask as his voice seems to quiver. James hand automatically stops. He turns his head, he’s been crying. His face flushes, he’s pale.

“I tried.” He mutters wiping his eyes.

“What are you talking about James, I feel perfectly-.” My hand can’t feel James cheek as I try to ease his saddening mind.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters his eyes full with agony.

“No…” I deny it.

“Everything I did, didn’t work.” James lifts his arms in back of his head. His breathing becomes heavy.

“But what about my baby?” I question, he’s going to be raised motherless.

“I’m sorry.” He whimpers turning around, he’s beginning to hyperventilate.

“I can’t leave him. I haven’t heard his first word, seen his first steps.” I argue the reasons I should stay.

            James doesn’t say anything, he holds onto one of the edges of the crib, holding himself up. I gaze at the crib where Julius lays peacefully. He opens his eyes to show his bright blue eyes, just like his papa. I knew this would happen, I knew. My body quivers at the thought of leaving him or James.

“Don’t blame him. He didn’t know.” I touch my baby’s cheek, as he gazes at me. I wonder if he can see me.

“I know, but it’s hard and it hurts.” James doesn’t turn to face me. I have a feeling he’s been through this with his mother, the reason why he isn’t freaking out.

            James turns, his eyes are dead. He picks up our son, who gazes at me. Julius can see me. I wrap my right arm around James waist. James begins to shiver due to my touch. I gaze out the window that’s above the baby’s crib. I see thousands of fire lamps in the sky.  How beautiful. I gaze at James, he cradles Julius so carefully. He’s such a new dad.

            I notice that Julius has my dream catcher on the back board of his crib. He’ll dream pleasant dreams. My heart breaks as I realize I can’t stay. I say the words no mother wants to say.

“When my son calls for me because I’m not there, show him this.” I touch the back of his head. James closes his eyes then nods. My son will need them.

“You’ve seen him before in the future?” James analyzes my memories.

“Yes.” I respond feeling my body become even more weightless.

“Don’t leave me. I can’t do this by myself.” James cries.

“Its fate, you’re meant to do it alone.” I hold back tears. I knew it was going to be me. 

“I love you James.” I kiss James, he exhales he felt something, felt warmth.

“And I love you too.” Tears escape as I bend to kiss my little angel goodbye.

                                                            James P.O.V

            I watch her vanish into thin air. I can hardly breathe. Pain, that’s what fate has caused me. I lost my true love, my only love, the only one. I hold my son the only part of her she left behind, the only link I have to her soul. She lives within our son. I bring him closer to my chest; I can hear his heartbeat, strong like his mother’s. Jane…I tumble to my knees. Jane…my heart begins to feel rotted, something changes within me. Jane…I have not felt a pain greater than this. This ach is so severe like my heart has been replaced.