A/n: hello lovely readers! This one shot is based off Zayn leaving one direction. In my story, he dated Gigi before he left and left around spring kind of. One direction went on hiatus shortly after. It's sad. Please comment, vote and Add!
WARNING: May be triggering. Has mentions of suicide and death.
What if the only way to stop feeling bad was to stop feeling anything at all?
Zayn sits at the opposite side of the room, his face stiff with dried tears. He was leaving One Direction. It's hard to explain.
He won't force the band to accommodate with his issues. Fucking anorexia. Fucking anxiety. Fucking depression. It was better to leave. Nobody's loss anyways, right?
He lies to everyone's faces. Says that the music is not his style or some bull. He barley recalls. The truth? Everything kinda collapsed after he discovered something. Something about himself.
Something he didn't know. And whether it was a blessing or a curse, it was just screwing up everything. He was slowly losing the trust of others, blocking them out and building his walls high, not letting anyone in.
They didn't say much at first, and it was quiet. The excuses rolled off his tongue much to easy and it pained him.
Leave. He didn't know why, but his gut told him to leave, yet he didn't want to. One direction was better four than five.
They don't know about his mental health issues. They don't know he doesn't eat. They don't know he is sad. They probably don't care.
But Zayn does love them. Too bad nobody feels that way about him.
***
1. For Louis, my partner in crime. Sorry. I have to leave. Don't hate me. I'm not running away from my problems. I'm not cowardly. I love and respect you, despite the level of attitude and sass you show. Don't forget to tell Harry how u feel. Remember me k?
2. For Harry, my best friend. Hey. There's something you have to finish when I leave. Make Larry a reality for me. I'll probably never get to watch you guys kiss. Or watch Niall's recorded sex tapes. But I know you love him. Bye.
3. For Niall, the best leprechaun ever. Theres a lot I'm leaving behind. Your presence is something I'll miss most. Always cracking a joke or strumming up a new song. Wish I could be there to make more memories. Stay happy.
4. To Perrie, a woman who's more than an ex. They don't know what I've told you. You've listened and respected me, I feel like you didn't care if I made a stupid mistake. I'm sorry you don't know all of it. I couldn't tell you. I'm sorry I didn't talk. Sorry Pez.
5. Simon. You are a motherfucking bitch. A bloody ass clown. You've always only cared about what I did for the band. Not how I felt inside. Sorry dude, won't feel bad leaving you. Unless you can allow Louis and Harry to be as openly gay as they want. Just a thought. I would say see you in Heaven, but I have a strong feeling you gonna burn in hell.
6. Gigi. Thank you. I know we've had our ups and downs and you hate me at the moment. But I'm thankful to have someone like you in my life. We were forced to date for media and you don't ever wanna see me again. But I don't hate you. Bye and thank you.
With every pill dumped into his palm, Zayn repeats the messages he had memorized after writing down in his journal. The 7th pill was taken into his palm, and he tried to forget who it was for. The message remained in his secret place. torn out of his book. He swallows the pills, losing consciousness.
