Subscribed to a b*tch

6

"He--"

"Hello sir! Did you know that--"

"You're a complete b*tch? Yes. I knew that. Please stop talking SO I CAN SAY SOMETHING FOR F*CKING ONCE."

"..."

"Thank you."

*inhales sharply*

"Now listen to me you chit-chatting-monkey-looking-brain-dead-Siri-twin. I need to find whoever changed my contacts and if you're not going to help me..."

"I'm going to find you..."

"And I'm going to kill you."

"ha ha ha ha ha"

"Are you seriously laughing right now?"

"Did you just call me a chit-chatting-monkey-looking-brain-dead-Siri-twin?"

"Calling you a b*tch isn't enough to make you stop talking, so yes."

"Ok fine. What do I have to do?"

"You really are brain dead, aren't you?

"I already told you!"

"Well, I do not know about you but this is really fun."

"You think it's funny that someone changed all my contacts to yours?"

"I said fun not funny."

"Actually it is both. Please continue."

"You're a complete idiot." 

"I have been told."

"Tell me who changed my contacts."

"Well, Damian, I know a lot of people who would want to get their hands on your phone."

"Who the f*ck are you?"

"Shouldn't you be asking; who the f*ck are they?"

"How do you know my name?"

"I go to your school, dumb*ss. Not like you would notice me or anything. Too busy sucking face with Kourtney and Ashley."

"I sense jealousy."

"Hm... yes those girls look perfect... Tanned bod, smooth legs... oh and not to mention their beautiful large perfectly round--"

"You're disgusting."

"I was talking about eyes babe. I am not that dirty."

"Babe?"

"Does it make you feel uncomfortable?"

"Yes." 

"Awww I am sorry babe."

"Shut up and just tell me who changed my contacts."

"That is a very confusing sentence. Should I shut up or tell you? Hmmmm..."

"Oh my god... you know what? Never mind I asked." 

"If you are planning to ask people around you, you are wasting your time"

"No one is going to tell you who I am."

"If my memory serves me right, your name is Gisele?"

"That is not my real name, babe. I am not stupid enough to out myself."

"Smart but idiotic and a b*tch. The rarest form of a woman. Please tune in to find out where this creatures' natural habitat is. I assume that these type of women live nearby streets or houses, anywhere that's near a rubbish bin." 

"ha ha ha ha ha"

"The woman's laugh also resembles a glitch in a robot and naturally does the opposite of attracting a man." 

"Excuse me?"

"These women tend to be excused."

"Now you are just being lame."

"Thank you so much for subscribing to I-don't-give-a-f*ck daily. Please call again next time to find out how stupid these women can be."

"You are an *ss"

"You are what you eat."

"..."

"ew ew ew ew ew"

"Mental image--"

"Have a good day!"

*beep*

"Oh how the tables have turned, Siri twin."