chapter 1: Words I Didn't Dare Utter

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"It's been around six years since that day...hasn't it?" A soft voice spoke to his friend quietly looking out at the starry night.

"Yeah...I still don't wanna believe it..." he smiled uneasily. "Tomorrow's another reunion...." His leader patted his head and gave him his cup of hot tea.

"Drink this up okay? I think you'll be able to handle it better."

"Teukie hyung..." Donghae looked up to Leeteuk a bit scared. "I'm afraid I won't be able to leave him again....." Leader sighed and patted his friend's head.

"You know when you can't move you have at least a dozen people to call on." He chuckled softly and sipped his tea sitting next to his friend on the balcony dangling his feet over the edge. "Just make sure you call me first. I'll be there in a heart beat!" Donghae nodded and smiled less grimly.

"Tomorrow...I'll visit him..." Donghae choked at the thought and hollowly laughed. "I should stop talking about my old man..." The  troubled fishie went off to his bed room to sleep for the night leaving his hot tea in the cold night with Leeteuk.  Jung-soo sighed at the bitterness filling up slowly inside his friend.

"I guess.. the day I become honest with him.... is now..." He finished his drink and headed indoors, locking up for the night. He slept uneasily in hopes that the news the next day would brighten up the carefree Donghae.

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The next morning around 9 am, Donghae dragged himself out of bed and took a shower. In the kitchen Ryewook, Sungmin, and Eunhyuk gracefully made a big breakfast for everyone to share.

"Everyoneee~ Breakfast is readyyy!"Yelled wookie placing the food on the table happily. "Eunhyuk go see if Donghae's done." Eunhyuk nodded and skipped to the bathroom.

"Donghae~~" He called knocking on the door. His friend opened it with a towel on his head. "Time for breakfasttt!" Eunhyuk chirpped. Donghae said nothing and nodded his head walking to his bed room.

"I'm not hungry." He finally spoke closing his door. Eunhyuk tilted his head and walked back to the dinning room.

"Is he gonna be okay hyung?" Eunhyuk asked leader.

"Ahhhh~ Don't worry yourself. I'll be checking on him again soon." His leader had a mouth full of food chowing at the dinning room table.

"Maybe when he gets back...we should do something for him.." Sungmin suggested. Eunhyuk's eyes widen

"That is a great idea!!" The monkey happily danced around excited to make his buddy feel better. "I'm going to leave out and find something that will make him feel better." Eunhyuk quickly got dressed and rushed out the door.

"What is that kid planning....?" Yesung asked looking to Shindong.

"Don't ask me...He's some kinda special..." Shindong chuckled a bit and kept eatting his breakfast.

"I'm off." Said Donghae fixing his tie in the mirror by the front door. "See ya..."

"Call me!" Tuekie yelled at Donghae as he closed the front door.

"Ah...This day is eventful every year isn't it...?..." Donghae shoved his hands in his white dress pants' pockets and headed to his father. On the road, everything was silent. No cars on the freeway. No music playing on the stereo. No one outside. This evolving ghost town around Donghae didn't seem to faze him. He slowly drifted off to sleep with his head close against the window.

It's all your fault....All your fault....You could've saved him...You left him alone.....It's all your fault....ALL YOUR FAULT!... A voice echoed in his dream. He dreamt his was in the dark sitting next to a picture of his beloved father that slowly began to burn. He cried out to the burning picture, wanting it to stop. Ashes sat around him and he ran his hands slowly through it sobbing. The ashes soon blew away from him and he began chasing after it, trying to save what he had left of his father.

Appa!....Appa!....Andwaeyooooo!......Andwaeyoooo!!!! "ANDWAEYO!" he yelled waking up in a cold sweat. He panted holding his chest looking from side to side. The driver looked stunned and then announced,

"You're here..." He looked out the window and gulped down slowly. 

"Gomawa...." He stepped out the car and turned to the driver once more. "Come back in four hours...." Donghae tapped the side of the car and it droved away. He held his head low walking into the building in front of him. In the distance, Leeteuk stood quietly watching Donghae.

"After this visit...I'll tell him....It's been long enough..."

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