Journey to happiness.

Chapter two.

I woke up with the same headache. I could tell it was early morning, since the sunlight coming from the hospital window was very light. I looked around the dull room, and found my mom sleeping on the chair beside my bed. Like if she felt my eyes on her, she opened her eyes and I saw the pity in them the moment they laid on me.

It was then, I remembered the turns my life had taken. I couldn’t cry because it didn’t seem real, I didn’t even remember how we got into that accident.

“Tell me what happened, mom.” I pleaded. Maybe if someone told me what had happened during my stay in the hospital, I would remember the accident. And maybe, just maybe then, I could let go and try to move on.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I want to know what happened, from the moment I got here.” I explained.

She looked hesitant for a bit. She kept looking at me, then looking around the room, like if waiting for someone else in the room to answer my question. But she knew that wasn’t happening anytime soon, since we were the only ones in the room. So she cleared her throat, and answered it herself.

“We received the call from the hospital a month ago; you were in a fatal car accident. You made it, and you got into surgery, but you went into a coma right after that. You stayed in a coma for three weeks, and then you woke up. But as you probably can remember…” She stopped talking with a shocked expression on her face. Like if she touched a nerve or something.

Oh, right. They all knew I couldn’t remember everything. But she should know better, than to think a silly thing like this would hurt me, after all that had happened to me. 

“Carry on, I am listening.”

“…Eum, Yeah… You woke up, but you didn’t stay awake for long after that. We nearly lost you again.” She looked on the edge of crying when she said that, but she quickly finished. “The doctors said it was too much for you to take in. Anyways, they medically induced a coma, and you were asleep for the rest of that week. You would wake up from time to time but it would be just for a couple of minutes. You would open your eyes, but you never said anything.”

I didn’t remember any of those times. It was like I wasn’t even there. All I could remember was the fact that I had a dream. It was probably in my coma state. Then, I remember waking up to find out about the news. Then, it all went blank again. I didn’t want to think about it too much, all of that didn’t ring any bells for me.

“What about Matt?” I asked, using a cold expression.

“They said he was dead on impact.” She cleared her throat, as if this was just the start of what she had got to say, and what was coming was way worse. “I am so sorry honey, but his parents couldn’t wait any longer. They had to have the funeral while you were in coma. They didn’t know when you were going to wake up. They don’t want you to be mad at them though, try to understand them honey.” She finished, and waited for me to say something.

But I never did. I just ignored her and the people who were coming in to check on me. I didn’t feel like talking, or taking in their pitied eyes, or any of their supposed to be consoling speeches. I couldn’t describe how I felt. It all seemed like a very bad joke. I couldn’t let go of him, because his death didn’t sound real at all. Maybe, if I had attended the funerals, I would believe that he was gone. But they couldn’t wait for me. They thought I might not wake up. How I wish I didn’t. Because death seems a lot nicer than the life I am living.

 Days had passed, but I never said a word. One day, I heard a knock on the hospital door. I hated staying there, but they said it was the right thing to do, since I needed to do physical therapy every day for the first couple of months.

I looked at the opening door, and found a nurse coming in, who wasn’t the one that used to give me my medicines. I didn’t notice the change by precise observation or anything. It was simply too obvious for anyone to tell. My former nurse was first, so big, that she could barely pass through the door in one piece, while the new one, had an average size body.  Second, the first nurse was so short, that you could describe her to a policeman as a midget nurse and would be recognized as quickly as lightning. Last but not least, the old nurse was a woman about sixty years old, while the new one is a young man, about twenty to twenty six years old (I was never good at guessing ages).

“Good morning, Ms. Edwards, I am your new nurse.” He greeted politely, with a formal smile on his lips. He waited for me to say something back, but it didn’t come. So he just gave me the medicines in an awkward silence.

“This one is a painkiller,” He said pointing at one of the pills. “You’ll need it for today’s therapy. And this one is for…” He tried to say, pointing at another pill, but I cut him off.

“I already know that.” He looked shocked, he probably didn’t see that coming. Neither did I, actually. Everyone in this hospital knew I was in some sort of depression and wasn’t speaking to anyone. They had set me up with a psychologist, who tried so hard to get me to open up to him, or at least say something as short as ‘ok’ or ‘hi’ but it didn’t happen. I just thought there was nothing I could say.

I was confused to why I spoke. All he had to do was list the medicines I had to take and what they were for. I knew all of that, but I didn’t have to say that to him. I could’ve just ignored him and what he was saying, but instead, I chose to speak. He smirked, looking at my confused face.

“And they say it’s hard to get you to talk.” He said. I gave him a look that could kill a bird in my imaginary world, but it just made his smirk grow wider.

“Don’t flatter yourself too much, kid.” I warned. And again, he smirked. “Kid, huh?” It was enough embarrassment for me to speak to a total stranger for the first time in days, but I had to keep saying stuff as silly as ‘kid’ to a twenty or something year old nurse…Guy-nurse…or whatever he was. And he sure was finding this entertaining. If I could just whip that smirk off of his face.

“Look, just don’t say anything to anyone, please.” I begged, with a puppy dog face. It was the first time I was using it since that car ride.

When that thought crossed my mind, grief filled my insides. I still couldn’t cry, but I felt worse than crying my brain out. I couldn’t let it out. I had dreams of him every night. Memories of our time spent together kept flashing in front of my eyes every now and then. I could hear the nurse’s questions, but none of what he was saying registered in my brain. He looked at me worriedly and kept asking if I was alright, but I just ignored him and stared straight at the wall facing me.

Until he said something, that caught my attention.  

“It’s not the end of the world, you know? People come and go all the time. You’re not the only one who lost a boyfriend, you’re not the only one who might not walk anymore. You should live your life with what you’ve got left of it.”

It was the first time someone sort of blamed me, for my behaviors. Everyone else said it wasn’t my fault and that I should take it easy on myself. But how could I do that when I don’t even remember how all of this happened. It could be my fault from the first place.

“I know what you’re going through. It’s not easy I know. But you’re overreacting.” He said in a flat tone. No emotions showed. “Overreacting? You think I am overreacting?” I snapped.

Blaming me for a change was something. But telling me I some sort of drama queen was something totally diferent.

“You don’t know anything about me, okay? You don’t know what it’s like to have the things you cared about the most, snatched away from you just like that. Same looks, same treatment, same talk, from everyone. They all act like they understand me, what I am going through. But they don’t. None of you do.” I defended. I couldn’t believe it, but I was finally letting it out. I was crying.

It felt nice. Even if it was the slightest weight off of my shoulders, it was enough.  

A/N: Thanks to all of you people, who are sticking around and reading this ! I owe you a big plat full of homemade cookies! *-* Lots of Love! xxx