Hating Intimacy #1

Hating Intimacy- Chapter 3

HATING INTIMACY
CHAPTER THREE

"You told me you love me, but you kissed her good night."

Deborah's P.O.V

I let out a groan as I kept my clothes in my gym locker and put my hair into a high ponytail. I hate gym class.

"Are you ready to go? We're like the last ones left." Amy says as she glances at me with a sad smile.

I hate the way she looked at me. Like I'm broken, she's looking at me with so much sympathy I want to punch her. I know I look horrible, she doesn't have to remind me with every glance.

I look just how I feel, after what happened two weeks ago, the hurt is still fresh. I can't even look at Dustin in the eye knowing he would choose her over me. I know he loves her - no matter how much it hurts to think or say it - but I thought I was his best friend and nothing would ever change that, but I was wrong. It got so bad he has started ruin our friendship.

And it's all we have left.

Amy tugs my arm. "Smile for me, please. . ." She begs as her watery eyes bored into my dull ones intensely.

I hate that I'm doing this to her. I hate that I'm dragging her down with me, I don't like the fact that it feels like she's hurting with me. I don't want her to feel bad for something she didn't do or can't control.

So I give her the best fake smile I can muster.

"I'm fine." I force out as a croak and clear my throat. "Don't worry about me." I smile even wider.

In her eyes I saw recognition, like she's heard those words before. Then I saw disbelief, telling me she didn't believe one word I said. And lastly, I saw anger.

"Don't lie to me Deborah." Amy snaps with narrowed eyes. "Don't you dare lie to me."

"I'm serious, I'm fine." I lie, trying my best to convince her. Unfortunately my best isn't good enough because she doesn't buy a thing.

"You're the complete opposite of fine Deborah." She says sternly. "Look at you, you're looking very pale and you have bags under your eyes. You've obviously not been eating or sleeping right. You're breaking apart Deborah. You're not fine, and you can't keep trying to convince everyone and yourself that." She avoided my gaze after that. She looked guilty.

"Please. Not now." I whisper to her once I feel a tear escape my eye.

"He's worried about you Deborah." She starts again, her gaze on the ground. "He keeps asking me what's wrong, he keeps asking me why you're not talking to him or anyone anymore. He's begging me to tell him why you're hurting and I can't say anything! I can't tell him anything because you won't let me." She pauses. "He has to know Deborah. You have to sort this out once and for all, I can't stand watching you break even more every time you see him with her!" She yells at me, angry tears strolled down her pink cheeks.

"Then don't." I say flatly, she glances at me in confusion. "You don't have to watch. You could just leave me the fuck alone and live your fucking life without criticizing my choices and telling me of how much of a baby I'm being. You don't have to keep giving me empty promises of how much it's going to be okay." My hands were shaking and my breaths were heavy. "I don't need you."

"No." She says. "I will never leave you alone, because you're my best friend, you're like a sister to me and you never give up on family." She comes close to me and holds my shoulders then pulls me lower till we were the same height. "I'm sorry about the criticizing and the empty promises - especially the promises, I shouldn't lie to you like that but it's the only way to make you feel at least a bit better. Sometimes it's best to lie so you don't hurt someone, even though they know you're lying. It makes the pain less."

She smiles at me, I relaxed a little. "Thanks." I pull her towards me for a hug, feeling a genuine smile finally tug my lips after a long time.

"All you have to do is to be happy for him." She pulls away. "In time, the feelings will fade away."

"I'm trying, you know I am." I sigh. "I wish I didn't love him this way, so I could be easily happy for him, but I can't."

"Deborah..." She trails softly. "I know it hurts, I know it's hard to love someone who loves someone else, you have to end up watching, try to ignore the pain and swallow your pride... But somehow in the end it's all worth it because friendship lasts longer than love."

"But there will be no friendship anymore! I can feel it, we're drifting apart. She's taking him away from me-"

"He's just spending time with her."

"Not if he keeps ignoring me so he can take her on dates!" I retort. "Everything we used to do together is ending because of her. He promised he wouldn't let anyone come before me. He's doing just that." I didn't notice I was seating on the ground with my back leaning on the lockers. "Why can't he see that I love him? Why can't he see the admiration in my eyes when I look at him? Can't he see that I'm dying inside and it's all because of him?"

I don't care if I sounded like a jealous child, I'm desperate. Yet I've never been more disgusted by myself.

"I know it hurts but you have to move on. If you guys don't end up together, that means it was never meant to be." She sits next to me and places an arm around my sliming frame.

"I'm in love with Dustin Miller and nothing can ever change that. Not even if he loves someone else." I confess with a heavy sigh.

Someone gasped.

Amy and I glance at the door and see a shadow disappearing, followed by rushed foot steps. That was all it took to know someone overheard our conversation.

"Did you here that?" Amy asks, her eyes on the locker room door.

"Someone heard us Amy." I say and pull my knees up to my chest. "What if they spread the news and Dustin finds out." I said my thoughts out loud. "I don't feel like going for gym class anymore."

"Maybe it was just a coincidence. Possibly we are just hearing things." She says hopefully and she turns to me looking worried. I shake my head at her words and laugh bitterly.

"It could ruin our friendship, all I have with him. My last hope." I say quietly.

I felt defeated, nothing could save me now, he would surely find out. Even though I want to be the one to tell him, it's too late. I guess I have to face it, this was meant to happen one day or another.

"No it won't." She says.

"He would reject me. Things could be so awkward he would start ignoring me." I say monotonously.

"Don't think like that Debra."

"A life time of friendship, destroyed with only one sentence."

"Deborah stop this nuisance, you're over reacting."

"I would be crushed. Completely."

AUTHORS NOTE
What do you think about this chapter? And who do you think heard the conversation and Deborah's confession?

This was actually a really hard chapter to write but I did it!

ELIZI❤️