Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop

Falling in Love Chapter 12 and Author's Note on Chronic Illnesses

Chapter 12

Gillian

The second long conversation we had was on that same night I delivered pizza. I didn’t expect Andy and I would ever talk again. She messaged first, which refuted the idea forming in my head that she’s trying to avoid me.

That night, I learned she’s bold but she doesn’t show it. She has a strange kind of audacity that she only showed when she’s sure of herself. Like when she invited me to a party, because she knew I was occupied and there’s little chance I could make it. But I refused to let her win.

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Featured Song: We Are Broken by Paramore

You can choose to Ignore the note below, thank you for reading! :)

A/N: I was supposed to do this later when we’ve reached the chapter where Andy confesses about her condition.

But I guess now’s a better time. This story is inspired by TFIOS and real life events. It isn’t based on true story, per se, but parts of it have actually happened. And why am I saying this now? Because this story is a part of me. Because I wrote this story to raise awareness of the struggles of people with illnesses that they didn’t choose to have. Because I’m sick of the world trying to make people with chronic illnesses feel like they can do something about it, only if they try harder, exercise more, adopt a healthier diet, be more optimistic, and what not. That isn’t the case. Hell, I wish it were but it isn’t.

This morning, I had to get additional labs done, and found out the doctor ordered blood work to check for autoimmune disease. I was scared because I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism two years ago and had been taking medication, but it turns out my thyroid disorder may not be caused by iodine deficiency, but an autoimmune disease. I’ve read enough articles in the past year to familiarize myself of thyroid disorders and the prognosis. I’m well aware that an autoimmune disease is a chronic illness, often misdiagnosed as depression, or other mental illnesses. An autoimmune disease like Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis requires monitoring, regular blood tests, and a lifetime worth of pills.

Needless to say, I feel the want to share it to someone and so I told a friend about it who’s in the medical field, but then I wish I hadn’t at all. She told me that she thinks it isn’t an autoimmune disease at all since I’ve been hypothyroid for a long time. It couldn’t be Hashimoto’s otherwise I would be sick right now. And I wonder what she meant by the word sick. As one of my closest friends, I wonder if she ever noticed how much I’ve struggled to keep up with them as they plan and enjoy night outs, get together, and as little as seeing a movie at the end of the day. I wonder if anyone at all ever notices how hard it has been for me to get up every single day and do normal things that are rather challenging, and get through the day without feeling exhausted. I wonder if people’s definition of sick is limited to the kind where the person would have to be bed-ridden or unable to speak, walk and what not. That’s not the definition of sick. The world has overlooked the presence of chronic illnesses that aren’t cancer, or heart diseases. A failure of an organ like the thyroid gland, which is often regarded as simple when in reality it’s one of the most complex organs in the body, is an illness that brings symptoms that patients endure and choose to keep hidden because all they ever wished for was to feel normal. But for patients who suffer from thyroid and other organ failures, to be healthy isn’t an option at all. The only thing we could do, really, is to wish for more spoons to get us through the day. That, my friends, is the life of a spoonie. Never ever, for one second, think spoonies are not sick at all.