Diary Of A Depressed Being

Introduction

It's 1st of December, 2012. I received this thick black spiraled diary as a gift from my late mother. She always said that this diary would show me more patience than people and I should write my heart out when there's no one special enough to listen... to confide in. It was my 12th birthday. I'm 16 now and guess what? I really don't have anyone to share my crazy thoughts or stupid feelings. If I ever start doing it... People would assume me mentally sick and tie me to a chair and start stuffing me with aspirins and sedatives. And that's definitely not the way I want to go down. So, I'm just starting to write in this diary until and unless I find that special one to share everything with. Although, I have a best friend and she is really good to me. Katy Mcgellegar is her name. Even though she is my best friend but she is not the type of person you can emerge into a deep conversation with. Like there is only so much you can talk about hairstyles before you feel the conversational walls closing in. But Katy? Well, she can go like a champion. A champion that has never been defeated. Katy mostly talks about boys like, " Did you see Abraham? I could see his abs through his hoodie." and " Did you see Jacob? Maybe he forgot to wear his underwear because I could see a banana structure in his pee-pee area." Now you understand what I'm talking about? But even I can go like a champion when it comes to discussing people. People like Jennifer. I hate her so much! Why God had to make her so beautiful! It's like God had all the free time during the making of Jennifer and he closely looked at all the aspects! And on the other hand me... I feel like I have to do countless surgeries to make myself look half as better as Jennifer. And she is so mean to me. In fact, she is mean to everybody but still, not a single soul takes a stand. But I'm different and I'll bring that change because I know that I'm the change I would wait for. This is the prominent reason why she can't stand me. Well, as this is an introductory phase so now I would like to introduce my father. He is such a nice and hardworking person. No wonder why mom put her barriers down for him. He works in a multi-millionaire company which sells the finest and the most overwhelming hot women undergarments. So guess who's boyfriend is going to be lucky? He spends most of his hours at his office and comes home at 9. By which I know you can realize that me-saying " You were never there for me" would be pretty reasonable. But of course I'm not a bad person and I would never do that because he at least listens to me carefully when I talk to him about my problems. My mother... One of the most beautiful women I have ever seen was snatched away from me by the evil forces of cancer. I wish I could do something about it... But I'm not genius and I'm not stupid either. I'm an average intellectual girl who can easily understand the trick behind, " A car travels at 60 miles per hour. How much time would it require for the car to reach 60 miles". 

Now the introduction of all the members I like to get familiar with is over. Oh! my introduction, right? Where are my manners? But I believe that introduction should be for people who have their identity. And me on the other hand... have no identity. I feel cut out and lost when I talk with my friends at high-school. I don't understand the mania of endlessly chasing things... especially grades at our age. And you must be wondering that high-school is all about parties and the cool group and the nerd group which I would like to call different group. But no, that's in movies. Real high-school is a bit different. Like... We have a cool group... and a different group... and the cool group do have parties at their luxurious houses... but when its real life... It's a bit different and I really fail horrendously to understand the rhythm of rush in high-school. Like... the things they do never appeal to me and the things I do never appeals to them. Which includes eating popcorns and Netflix or sleeping or kissing Jacob all over his body. There are a few other admirable things that I like to do but let's just save that for later. In short, even I don't know who I am let alone introduction. I think of the time when instead of, " How are you?" people would ask me, " Why are you?". And seeing my condition now... the dark and bleak days are not so far. 

I'm a high-school student and my name is Emma Reacher ( A small intro anyways...). I have a few friends because I prefer quality over quantity. I'm inexplicably attracted or in love with this guy called Jacob. Yes, the same guy my best friend hits on. And I look a bit like a potato but my father says that I look like a princess. I play in girls football team which is why I'm only a bit popular in high-school. And by popular I don't mean popular like, " Oh there goes the intelligent and different and beauty queen Emma.", Popular like, " Hey, Isn't that Emma? Who once scored an own goal and celebrated by taking her shirt off?". Yes, let that sink for a while. Now, it was my first ever goal and playing football I had totally forgotten that I'm a girl and a girl has to follow some rules but not boys. They even get to take their shorts off. I only play football so that Jacob would notice me... as it is his favorite sport. But will he?! DUE TO THE EVIL CAPTAIN OF MINE!!! JENNIFER! And I'm even a part of girls scout along with Katy. And I attend mathletes events like I said I'm fairly intellectual, unlike Jennifer. She once said that chocolate milk comes from the brown cows. But still, people love her. What a treacherous thing it is to see a person the way you want to. And I'm not a part of the cool group but a part of the different group. The group whose members are bullied and mocked and called a nerd and are called freaks... just because we don't live our life the way the cool group wants us to. And beside all this... I think I'm depressed. Not " 13 reasons why" depressed. And this is why I'll name this diary " Diary Of A Depressed Being". I'll try my best to write on daily basis. And when I say, ' I'll try my best' I actually don't mean it.