I am NOT your Alpha

I am NOT your Alpha - Your Woe Is My Life Story

            Tears seared hot trails down my cheeks as the darkness I’ve so long been running from finally caught up with me. Guilt, sadness, loneliness. The hopelessness I’ve ignored since day one. What Alpha was as weak as I? I brought my hands up to cover my face, sticky and stiff from the salty tears that streaked across my cheeks, in attempts to shield myself from the shame, from the look of disgust my grandpa had to be feeling for me, I’m a monster in my own right.

            He let out a sigh, before reaching up and pulling my hands away from my face. I avoided eye contact, but he stared on. “Look at me, Cassidy.” His voice was heavy and strict, he was probably going to send me away now –exile me. I wiped my raw eyes on the shoulders of my t-shirt before looking up to the face of the man who would probably loathe me now.

            His face was stony, controlled, as he searched my eyes, which were again, burning with barely controlled tears. Grandpa shook his head, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, before speaking.

          “Had you not experienced the world in the way you have, you would not be truly ready to become an Alpha.” He frowned and then let a sad smile form on his lips. Something about his expression had changed dramatically, it was in his eyes. His physical appearance never changed, but his eyes seemed to have aged a thousand years. I wiped my hands furiously at my face as the teary sadness left and confusion took over, so he wasn’t making me leave? He probably saw it in my eyes, because he had then gently grabbed me by the hand and pulled me away.

            The house was eerily silent, or it seemed to be because of the heavy atmosphere surrounding my grandpa and I. I was still at a loss as to what just happened, but I let him take me wherever it is we were going. We left through the front door without being stopped by any of the pack members or my friends, and walked straight into the trees. Grandpa looked as if he walked this path thousands of times, but there was no dirt road, no sign that anything was in the direction that we were walking.

            Neither of us spoke a word, walk was accompanied by the sound of the leaves crunching at our feet and boisterous crickets chirping under the afternoon sun. We passed tree after tree for what seemed like ages before the heavy scent of burnt wood and ash permeated the air, at the scent, grandpas step seemed to grow only more determined. It grew stronger with every step we took – whatever it was making the scent was probably our destination, and my curiosity only climbed as trees began to thin and a worn dirt path made its way under my feet.

            “This place,” My grandpa said, never faultering in his steps, I watched him curiously as he pushed branches out of our way, “is the home of my most foolish decisions, and my worst fears.”

            He turned then, ducking underneath a fallen tree and bidding me to follow. When I did, the entire forest seemed to change; trees were considerably smaller, the grass was patchy, and it all was new growth. Ahead of me, the scent was strongest in the form of the preserved remains of a house that had been burnt and destroyed with fire. My grandpa moved forward, almost entranced as he placed his hands against one of the charred beams protruding from the ground.

            “Everyone makes mistakes, Cass. But the difference between an Alpha and anyone else, is that an Alpha has the strength it takes to push past their grief, move forward, and learn from their mistakes; and use that knowledge to lead their pack. You may not think you can, Cass… But you already have. Your friends would not be here, today, without you.”

            “But their lives would’ve been so much simpler…” I say, nudging the tip of my shoe into the damp grass.

            “Simpler? One would remain an abused omega, and the other would never have learned what it was like to be a part of something worthwhile. You’ve already learned much from each other – and developed bonds that will be a great deal important in the future.”