He's An Iceberg || Sebastian Smythe

7 - Losing His Way Pt. 1

Third Person POV:

Sebastian reluctantly stood in front of the house. No. Mansion. It was one of the largest homes he's ever seen. And that was exactly it. He had seen it. Every day. Every day of his life. This was what he was supposed to call Home. The place the grew up in, learned how to be a man, and behave. Yet, this place only felt like sadness. It felt lost, like a maze of thoughts and burns that Sebastian didn't want to deal with right now. But, he had decided to grow up. The more he waited the more he knew he would never forgive himself. Plus, she was worth it.

So he grabbed ahold of the cold brass handle. It was so cold. It was so much like him...

He shook his head. Not now.

Sebastian decided to ignore the shivering feeling the mental caused, he slowly turned it, opening the large wooden door. He peeked his head around, quickly looking to see if anyone was near. 

No one.

Perfect. He was in the clear.

He slowly walked through. Entering the sad house. All it's fumes and depression attacking Sebastian everywhere, like a million arrows all at once. He was used to it. God was he used to it. He ignored it though. He ignored everything. He ignored everyone. Sometimes he just didn't want to deal with things. And other times he didn't know how. Ignoring was always his go to.

Sebastian slowly turned around, closing the door behind him. He let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding as he heard the door close, locking it. It was all safe so far. So far.

I shouldn't think like that, Sebastian thought. It wasn't going to get him anywhere. So he ignored his thoughts. Once again. As he walked up the soft carpeted stairs. They were a tinted tan, with a red decorated rug running all the way down to the bottom of the stairs. He was still confused after all these years. What was the purpose of the rug? But he wasn't the one who designed the house, so what was the point in wondering?

It took him longer than expected to reach the top of the stairs, mostly because he was going to slowly. Making sure not to make any sounds, he didn't want to wake up him. That was the last thing he wanted.

As soon as he reached the top of the stairs he turned left, walking down a hall. He stared at the floor, not wanting to see the walls that surrounded him. The memories that surrounded him. He knew the way to her room. He knew the exact number of steps.

13...14...15...16...17

He was there.

Sebastian looked up, the all familiar door frame. A white boarder, it had swirls like vines crossing at every edge of line. The pattern was so beautiful. The overall door was white with gold outlines. Knowing his family, it was probably actual gold. God he hated that. But the beauty before him made up for it.

He took a grip of the handle, slowly making his way into the room. It was dark. Difficult to see. But the moonlight from a window across the room seemed to help some. He used to make his way over to her bed. She looked so peaceful in her black canopy bed. Sleeping so nicely. Despite the machine beside her, breathing for her, he focused on her, and only her.

He sat beside her, making sure not to wake her up. It wouldn't be easy if he tried. He knew she was a deep sleeper. He took her hand, placing it in between his. It as so cold. He could feel her skin freezing. Why was she so cold? Why did they let her become so cold? She deserved so much better.

"Hey Mom, it's me. Sebastian." Sebastian smiled, patting the top of her hand, "I know this is hard for you right now. It's Ok. It's hard for me too. But I just want to let you know Mom, it's Ok to let go. I won't be mad. I'll understand." Sebastian wipes away a single tear quickly. He was a man, and men don't cry. (Not something I personally believe, remember, this is Sebastian's character thoughts, not my own) And now was the worst time. He needed to stay strong. For her.