BANGERZ (2014)

21. Cold Turkey

The weeks between Homecoming and Thanksgiving go by in a draggy, solemn November daze.

José's death is like a surprise party we weren't expecting, even a little bit - it leaves us dubious and guarded. I'm able to convince Jason that it isn't his fault, only a consequence of actions that aren't just his. But after the news sinks in and spreads around, we end up feeling a little responsible. It's like - in a situation like this, everyone wants to see someone take the blame, and we just feel like we're the ones who should do it.

This turns out to be the best way to move past it. When we attend a candlelit service in memorial of José, his team assures us that there's no hard feelings, and they don't blame us for what happened. Like Khalil said, José was a drug lord around the O.C. and his loss is tragic but not incredulous. They do make us promise to go after the Wreckers for killing him, though, no matter how easy a target he was. They'd do it themselves but that's not their line of dirty work; they deal and sell with the players, but we're the ones who fight and play the game. We're going after the Wreckers anyway, but now it's about avenging José, too.

Despite our determination and spite, we sit back and just watch the fire, icing our burns. Honestly we're a little wary. After the Wreckers' very aggressive move there's no reason to rile them up and make them attack again - yet. We realize that we need to go on the defense again, like the Bizzle Gang did over the summer, and fight them with opposite tactics. Since they want to be blunt and violent, we need to be stealthy and opportunistic. We're still going to dismantle their empire... but at the same time, we have to watch our throne.

So we lay low; we plot and strategize. Since the end of the semester is approaching, I try to focus on school. I finally finished my college applications and submitted them with just the click of a "send" button. The crew actually hasn't discussed university much, and how it'll affect us. I wonder what their plans are.

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Jason, Za, Khalil, and I sit at our usual table in the cafeteria. We manage fun, casual conversation despite our hiatus from the streets, my awful cold, Jason's distracted reproach, Za's busted carburetor, and Khalil's writer's block. It's the last day before the holiday vacation and everyone's anxious to leave already. I think we all just need a break.

"Where's Miley?" Za asks us halfway through lunch, as if just now realizing she's not with us.

"The library," Jason answers, drumming his fingers on the table like he's thinking in the same rhythm. His mind is always running.

"Is she lighting up in there or something?"

Jason gives him an odd look.

"Why would she be doing that?" Khalil says.

"What else is she gonna do with all that paper?"

Oh, Za. I try to laugh with the boys, but it turns into a hoarse cough and then a sniffle. I whimper and rest my head on Jason's shoulder. Colds just make you feel miserable and worn out, and I can't even kiss him.

"Here she comes now," Khalil tells Za, pointing to the cafeteria doors. "I dare you to ask her that."

"I could use some entertainment," Jason jokes with a wry smirk. He wraps his arm around me comfortingly.

Miley is strutting across the cafeteria with a huge smile on her face, switching her hips naturally. When she reaches us she plops down and grabs a French fry from Za's plate. "Guess what, bitches?" she says, munching.

"You turned the library into burnt.gov?" Za offers enthusiastically. He grins. "Been there, done that. I only take naps in there now."

Jason snickers. "Burnt.gov?"